Post Content

Mary Worth, 9/7/15

You guys. You guys. When I predicted this yesterday, I was kidding. Kidding. I mean, surely Toby wouldn’t dramatically tell Ian “do not try to look for me” and then lay low in literally the same building. Surely she has some friends other than Mary. Maybe we’ve never seen her interacting with them, but surely she had them. Some people she knows from the local art scene? Her old friends back in New York? Turns out nope! Turns out Mary’s all she’s got. This whole thing’s going to be fantastic. Anyway, since I can apparently control the course of this plot with my barely plausible predictions, here’s my next prediction: Toby will very quickly drive Mary up the wall by letting her filthy, filthy human skin touch all the surfaces in Mary’s apartment, her pure, beautiful, disinfected surfaces.

Blondie, 9/7/15

Ha ha, get it? Because megabytes are some kind of thing that’s inside a computer, and it sounds like you’re taking a MEGA (big) BITE (of food)? And Dagwood is a terrible compulsive eater, so he likes biting food? The saddest thing about this joke is that I’m pretty sure the Blondie Inc. Creative Brain Trust came up with it, like, ten years ago, and only now feel confident that their readership will really “get it,” and even then had Dagwood and Alexander say “megabyte” to each other four times, just to be sure.

B.C., 9/7/15

Don’t worry, this turtle’s shell isn’t a twisted, unnatural attempt to mimic secondary mammalian sexual characteristics. She’s just deformed because she was born in a pile of garbage!

Funky Winkerbean, 9/7/15

AT LAST

THE DAY IS HERE

THE DAY WHEN THE LIVING FINALLY OVERTHROW THE TYRANNY OF THE DEAD

Post Content

Judge Parker, 9/6/15

Whew, thank goodness everyone, Sam and Abbey will NOT be cooking for themselves after all, it was just a hilarious joke to make them realize, for a single, brief moment, what not being waited on hand and foot was like. But seriously, welcome home! Oh, you brought a filthy rodent back with you? That’s great!

Mary Worth, 9/6/15

Aw, man, it looks like Toby’s only taking a little break from Ian, not actually leaving him. Since Toby has literally no friends other than Mary, I assume she’s no more than a 100 feet away or so, and I sincerely hope there we have lots of Toby-hiding-in-Mary’s-bathroom-while-Mary-gets-increasingly-irritated action ahead of us.

Post Content

Funky Winkerbean, 9/2/15

Ha ha, remember Coach Stropp, who used to cruelly mock Les’s athletic ineptitude, back when this strip was funny? Well, he’s dead now.

Hagar the Horrible, 9/2/15

Ha ha, a Viking always pays his final respects to his enemy. After he’s dead! Like that guy is about to be. Hagar’s sword didn’t slice through the flesh of his face, but the blow to his head was probably hard enough that his brain is already starting to hemorrhage.

Heathcliff, 9/2/15

Ha ha, those birds have a feeling of impending doom! Probably because Heathcliff is about to kill and eat them, hopefully in that order.

Mary Worth, 9/2/15

Well, at least nobody’s dead or about to die in Mary Worth, as Toby prepares to stride purposefully out into single life wearing a purple tracksuit and electric blue jacket, and … wait, what’s that? Over on the bookshelf?

OH MY GOD IT’S THE ASHES OF A DEAD DOG, PROBABLY! Fido has never appeared as a beloved Cameron-pet in the thirteen years I’ve been reading this strip; possibly Ian owned the pup before he even met Toby. I sincerely hope tomorrow we see Ian lying in bed, weeping and reading Toby’s note for the fourth time, clutching this urn of dog cremains like his favorite teddy bear. “You understood me, Fido,” he sobs. “You’re the only one who ever understood me.”