Archive: Mary Worth

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Mary Worth, 11/1/15

As Apartment 3-G’s impending shutdown has shown, it’s a tough market out there for soap opera comic strips. Losers fade; winners adapt. That’s why Mary Worth is, right before our eyes, pivoting into the kind of action-oriented comic today’s readers crave. Olive is a young girl with supernatural powers. Today’s she’s only demonstrating prescience, but soon she might be able to move objects with her mind … or even kill. That’s why she needs Mary at her side to guide her to adulthood and keep her moral code intact. It will be a dangerous journey. It could go either way. But in Mary Worth, we’ll see Olive become a tremendous force of good, on the comics page — and, if we play our cards right, in a Netflix original TV series in the spring of 2017!

Crock, 11/1/15

The other day I was on the bus, and there were these two guys, one probably in his late 50s, the other in his 20s, and I’m pretty sure they didn’t know each other but were chatting in that way people on long bus rides sometimes do. I sat down near them in the middle of the conversation, so I’m not entirely clear on the context, but the younger guy was describing how his cousin (presumably around the same age) had committed suicide, and the older guy said, “Yeah, the Millennials are all weak-minded, I grew up in the ’70s when we were tough,” and I was completely flabbergasted. Anyway, it’s pretty common sport for anyone over 35 to shit on Millennials these days, and one of the great things about having comics like Crock written and drawn by very, very old people is to remind us that every generation was once young and irritating and viewed by its elders as worthy of unique and particular contempt. Don’t worry, kids, you’ll be old soon enough, and then everyone will forget all the selfie jokes.

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Mark Trail, 10/29/15

As these bad-ass criminals switch their combat-grade amphibious ATVs from sea to land mode, comics-reading children across America are getting an important lesson: just because you’re a part of a violent, sinister gang trying to recover stolen radioactive material doesn’t mean you should skimp on nautical safety! Check out those properly fitted life jackets, kids! Be like these guys, in certain specific ways!

Apartment 3-G, 10/29/15

Oh, snap, are we going to be entering Margo’s dreamscape? At last, an excuse to be in a featureless void! And if you need a spirit guide in your featureless void, why not choose your hallucination of Tommie, the most featureless and empty of A3G characters?

Mary Worth, 10/29/15

Sorry, Bobby and Gina! I know you love Mary so much you invited her to New York for your surprise wedding! Sorry, Shelly! I know you’re so close to Mary that she was your sole guest when you received your major award! Sorry, handsome Broadway legend Ken Kensington! I know your heart was bewitched by Mary’s charms! Sorry to all, but it seems that Mary will be spending her time in New York with a psychic eight-year-old and not any of you.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/29/15

The grim looks on everyone’s faces really sell this punny banter, if by “really sell” you mean “make abundantly clear that everyone involved is the victim of a cruel God and is being forced as some kind of awful punishment to say”.

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Mary Worth, 10/25/15

I was going to make a joke about how Mary is planning on journeying to New York to pledge her fealty to Olive, our new hyper-evolved Goddess-Queen who will one day enslave humanity with her mind powers, but I can’t get past today’s Inspirational Sunday Quote, from former Vice President Hubert H. Humphrey, who lost the bitterly contested 1968 presidential election and then apparently went on to claim that, really, nothing in life is better than friendship. He didn’t want to be president anyway. Nixon was fine, and he’s not even mad about losing, since he’s got good pals. Yep, friendship, that’s what really counts.

Family Circus, 10/25/15

I was going to make some joke about how Kids Today can’t conceive of a Halloween celebration without the omnipresent branded characters that have crowded all imagination out of their fantasy world, but then I saw panel one and got a load of Ma Keane’s costume: she’s going as some kind of horrifying pinheaded circus freak.

Panels from Beetle Bailey, 10/25/15

I was going to make a joke about how today’s Beetle Bailey throwaway panels are pretty clearly about how Miss Buxley wants Beetle to have some energy tonight, for sex, but then I got a look at this strip’s attempt to depict ears from behind and ew ew ew ew ewwwwwwww