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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/6/11

America’s most isolated rural enclave falls at last to the scourge of mef. Soon Jughaid will be raising ‘Tater alone as Snuffy puts up the still for bail and Loweezy gives her sweet love to the Law. At least Hootin’ Holler is safe from mef mouf, due to its residents’ lack of teef.

Mary Worth, 3/6/11

Um, Dawn — if you want to sleep, how about turning your big incesty asphyxiation-play poster around to face the wall? I know I won’t be getting much sleep until you do.

Crankshaft, 3/6/11

To everyone who thinks Ed Crankshaft is a born asshole, he replies: “Assholes are made, not born! Watch me make one out of my son-in-law Jeff, here!”

And in a sign that the idea well at Crankshaft HQ is going dry, the creative process for today’s strip began, “Say, we haven’t done anything with Pam in a long time — there must be something we can do with Pam!”

Judge Parker, 3/6/11

Oh, poo. No murder, no impersonation — just an ambitious intern, “I know I’ve got what it takes”, tedious exposition (“other boss” WTF?), and blah blah blah. How is this different than Sophie’s cheerleader tryouts, exactly? Oh yeah — no audience or professional judging this time around. But hey — Alan’s enjoying the hell out of his Smug Chow, there.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Mark Trail, 3/5/11

Like classic James Bond films, each recent Mark Trail episode one-ups its predecessor with a more exotic location, nastier villain, and hotter babe. Lost Forest, deer-kickin’ Frank Johnson, and Cherry gave way to glamorous Sea Breeze Fishing Camp, stylishly sinister Ben Smith, and sultry Kelly Welly, only to be topped by the azure vistas of Balmy Palmy Isle, our mysterious — yet somehow fabulous — paranoid druglord, and Ms. Hotsie Highwaist here.

Where will it end, this relentless upward spiral of scenery, villainy, and babery? I suspect on the Moon, with Mark savagely beating Kim Jong-Il while remaining strangely indifferent to the charms of Olivia Wilde or somebody. Because Mark can best any villain anywhere, but he shrinks from female contact, as shown in panel two.

Mary Worth, 3/5/11

Driven mad by the Internet, Dawn Weston seeks comfort from her only true friend — that pregnant lady from her Dad’s eating-disorders support group who moved to Charterstone after her retirement and divorce last October. Aaack!

Marmaduke, 3/5/11

From the look of the leftovers, Marmaduke has eaten several sports teams, Mary Poppins, a NASCAR pit crew, neighbor Snyder, and the cop sent to investigate.

Spider-Man, 3/5/11

Yes, vampirism — the only possible explanation! Because seriously — it’s 4:45, and why else would Peter miss The View?

See how quickly Mary Jane rejects the obvious “My husband is a worthless layabout!” in favor of the dramatic “My husband has been overcome by the forces of darkness!” Acting has really honed her denial skills.

Hi! I’m sitting in this week while Josh is on vacation. If you have any site or comment trouble, contact me at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net. Email sent to bio@jfruh.com will still get to Josh, but he won’t read it, because, you know, vacation.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/4/11

Oh, look, it’s a new Rex Morgan villain with comical facial hair. I really like the last panel. You can tell that the artist thought it best to only extend our wheelman’s mustache a bit below his lower lip, but the colorist took matters into his or her own hands. “Dude clearly doesn’t do anything halfway, and that Fu Manchu has to go all the way to his jawline. Photoshop, don’t fail me now!”

Mary Worth, 3/4/11

Yes, most of us would be pretty startled to discover that our reflections were not actually reflecting what we were doing. Dawn’s probably worried that she’s suffering a psychotic break, but maybe in her social networking frenzy she just forgot that that isn’t a mirror at all, but a huge monitor displaying the current DawnCam.com feed. Right now it’s repeating activity from earlier in the night, but her paid subscribers don’t need to know that.

Jumble, 3/4/11

I’m always too dumb to actually solve the Jumble, but I don’t need to today because the answer is obviously “a snow bank.” Now just to fill in the circles and … hey, wait a minute … DAMN YOU JUMBLE!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/4/11

So … being a lawyer in Hootin’ Holler involves throwing rocks at people? Yeah, that sounds about right, actually.