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Archive: Mary Worth

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Exploring brave new frontiers of smug

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Funky Winkerbean, 7/18/11

Man, I was trying to figure out what the next angle would be in the continuing story of “Long-suffering Les becomes a literary bigshot and also totally insufferable.” Now we know: he’s going to track down everyone who’s ever slighted him and subject each and every one of them to a pompous, passive-aggressive piece of his mind. I dearly hope that this episode, in which Les berates a professor who almost certainly remembers him and his awful adolescent scribblings not at all, is not presented in flashback, but rather that we just get to see Les describe the epic confrontation over the course of the week. That way we won’t miss a single one of his smug facial expressions!

Mary Worth, 7/18/11

Ha ha, man, Mary’s gone from swinging around the dance floor with Jeff to heading out the sliding glass doors to the parking lot in what appears to be about 15 seconds. Girl can really move when someone asks her for an emotional commitment!

Six Chix, 7/18/11

Is … is this a comic about cheerful talking cows being led into an abattoir under false pretenses? Because I’m pretty sure that’s what it’s about.

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Ratiocination addict

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Slylock Fox, 7/17/11

Oh, Slylock, it’s really getting to be kind of a compulsion with you, isn’t it? You could have just gone over to the two chatty she-beavers and asked, “Excuse me, are one of you Benny’s wife?” Or, even better, you could have just gotten your hands dirty for once and helped find the contact lens yourself. (Max is helping! For once, the dumb detective stereotype magnifying glass you guys haul around with you is useful!) But no, you’ve gotta be all “Ah! Benny, don’t tell me which of those ladies is your wife, because I can figure it out myself … with logic!” You’re impressing nobody, do you know that? You’re impressing nobody.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/17/11

You’ll notice that I’ve ignored Rex Morgan for a whole month, because it’s involved boring old people and their liver transplants rather than the sexy mom/sexy daughter drama we were promised. At last, we’re finding our way back to these two … only to discover that their family dynamic also involves a hilariously belligerent punk rocker! This is just more proof that we need to focus on this storyline and only this storyline, from here on in.

Mary Worth, 7/17/11

Please, Dr. Jeff, do you honestly expect to win Mary’s hand in marriage while standing upright? You’ll need to get down and do this in the traditional manner if you want to have a chance. Sure, Mary knows all about your crippling knee pain, but, look, do you want to marry her or not?

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Sadly, “Panda” does not appear to be an actual panda

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Dick Tracy, 7/15/11

I hate to criticize the new Dick Tracy team, who I think do a great job in terms of art and tone, and are clearly huge fans of the Dick Tracy mythos; however, much of their early work has consisted of endless callbacks to what I assume are beloved characters from the past, making the whole thing kind of baffling to the uninitiated. At least I feel confident in guessing that this so-called “Mr. Crime” is a criminal of some sort; I’m also reasonably certain that he’s a lizard-man.

Mary Worth, 7/15/11

Oh ho ho, it looks like Dr. Jeff hasn’t given up in his continued quest to make Mary the next Mrs. Dr. Jeff, and he knows there’s nobody more marriageable as a tuxedo’d gent who’s just raised a lot of money for charity. Be warned, sir: you know what happens when people put on bow ties to win Mary’s heart? They end up dead.

Gil Thorp, 7/15/11

Gil Thorp’s summer golf storyline has been as dull as you might expect, featuring teens flirting as they learn about our most boring summer sport. So you can imagine the relief I felt when I arrived at panel three and discovered that some cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers are about to make an appearance.