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Herb and Jamaal, 2/14/11

You guys, sorry these comics are so late in appearing! The Houston Chronicle’s usually convenient comics page was missing about half of its comics for much of the day, and then my evening was dedicated to Valentine’s-related activities. But I’m sure glad I waited, because I was rewarded by the triumphant return of Herb and Jamaal! Yes, this beloved comic was missing for the past … several days? Week? Indeterminate time-unit? I can’t really be bothered to remember. Apparently this absence was a not a result of the Chron’s accounts payable department neglecting to write a check to Creators Syndicate, but rather because the Chron’s upper management was locked in heated negotiations to get this coveted strip back in the paper. Did we miss the moment when Jamaal and Yolanda, who became America’s Sweethearts by default when Seth and Summer were cancelled, finally got together? No, according to this conversation between Yolanda and some mail carrier person whom we’ve never seen before!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/14/11

It’s hard to look at Rex’s freakishly oversized mitt in panel one and not imagine that he’s going to follow up “Dex has already had a taste of unbridled spending” with “and now I’m going to give him a taste of my pimp hand!” Sadly, he instead goes on to actually show a shred of empathy with another human being, which is frankly not the sort of thing the Rex Morgan I know goes in for.

Wizard of Id, 2/14/11

Ha ha, the Wiz — who, as one of the king’s chief advisors, is surely well off — is stealing from impoverished peasants, using sinister magic! At least he isn’t just physically assaulting them, for the crime of being poor.

Mary Worth, 2/14/11

Based on Mary’s nervous coquettishness and Wilbur’s frank leer as he closes the door, this scene reads to me as if Mary’s come to learn some perverse sexual technique — one that only Wilbur can teach her, and one that Mary needs to know if she’s to keep Dr. Jeff’s interest in her. Oh, I’m sorry, did I just disgust and repulse you to the extent that you’ll never want to experience sex, or even human affection, again? Well, too bad. Happy Valentine’s Day!

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Gasoline Alley, 2/13/11

Like the Wizard of Id before it, Gasoline Alley knows that the modern world’s extolling of love and romance will inevitably lead to bestiality.

Judge Parker, 2/13/11

I’m sorry, but if you’re going to wear that hideous checkered suit, it’s probably best to avoid anything that might draw attention to it — like using the word “patterned,” for instance.

Panel from Mary Worth, 2/13/11

The artist of Mary Worth decided to spend an entire panel focused on the title character’s shapely legs today, and while we can only speculate on the motivation behind that choice, it certainly seems worth a mention on this blog, your #1 site for Mary Worth news. Enjoy, everybody!

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Gil Thorp, 2/11/11

Oh hey, what’s going on with Gil Thorp’ presumably gay basketball prodigy? Well, it turns out the only thing he cares less about than winning basketball games is love, or at least yucky heterosexual love. But don’t worry about this negative stereotyping; for “balance,” his devout Christian future nemesis also turns out to be a brutal elbow-throwing thug.

Anyway, we can’t possibly be mad at Lini’s heartlessness, since his advice that Kayla dump Parker brought us the delightful and hilarious scene in panel two, where Parker is ripping off his own face out of grief. His friend sure seems to be having a good time watching the waterworks. “This is better than TV!” he thinks, while stone cold munching on a sandwich.

Apartment 3-G, 2/11/10

I’m going to pass over the rather predictable revelation that going on about your delusions of world-changing grandeur will cause Margo to want to do sex things with you, and instead focus on the freakish vehicle that has brought them to the deserted, pristine hillside that Trey will despoil with his green energy McMansion. Is that a Volkswagen Thing? Is Iris still passed out in the back seat?

Mary Worth, 2/11/10

Ha ha, Wilbur doesn’t have any idea how to work a Twitter machine! He’s just trying to lure Mary and her groceries back to his apartment, as he suspects she might have a jar of delicious mayonnaise in that bag.

Dennis the Menace, 2/11/10

“Oh, and how come you and Mrs. Wilson have different beds? Dad says it’s because you’re a couple of sexless old farts, but it always smells nice at your house!”