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Family Circus, 1/17/10

The leadership of the Keane Kompound can only be transferred when son defeats father in mortal combat, which explains why Billy is so wild-eyed with joy at the prospect of growing another few inches. “Watch out, Daddy! I’m gainin’ on you! THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.”

Mary Worth, 1/17/10

“Sure, Scott, it’s great that we turned down Jill’s generous gift and are sticking with our original plans to honeymoon at some crappy local chain motel! And I love the fact that you find the occasion so low-key that you’re just wearing an old undershirt! When I burst into tears as we have our honeymoon dinner at Arby’s, it will be because I just love you so much!”

Blondie, 1/17/10

Dagwood cares more about fatty food and the people who serve it to him than he does about his own children, to the surprise of no one.

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Momma, 1/14/11

It’s been a long time since I’ve checked in with Momma’s passive-aggressive, vaguely incestuous stylings, and today’s entry is so delightfully absurd that I hesitate to try “explain” what it might “mean.” Are we to imagine that Francis has stuffed his nice hat so full of clothes that it has ridiculously stretched out? Or that Momma, in her dotage, went all knit-crazy and made a ludicrously oversized hat for her son? Or that Francis, having long ago traded away the precious maternal keepsake for beer or whatever, just tells the first improbable lie that comes into his head, betting that his mother’s senility will cause her to quickly forget exactly what they’re talking about?

Also, this strip reaffirms my firm belief that black and white strips should not be colored in, because that allows me to imagine, based on the vague patterns visible, that Momma has knitted Francis some kind of oversized rasta hat.

Mary Worth, 1/14/11

A quick visit to the Website of the Four Seasons Bora Bora reveals that it is (a) awesome and (b) the equivalent of about $650 a night, so Jill’s guilt over a little light drunken rehearsal-dinner-ruining must have been quite acute. But I’m less interested in what Jill hocked to pay for this craziness (assuming she just didn’t create fake “vouchers” in Photoshop) and more interested in Adrian and Scott’s wildly different reactions. Remember, Scott was the one who suggested a honeymoon at the local Motel 6, while Adrian longed for an exotic voyage; so why is Scott grinning with manic intensity at the thought of sun and fun in the South Pacific, while Adrian is about to vomit in terror?

Curtis, 1/14/11

We’ve finally arrived at the lesson of this year’s Kwanzcaapade in Curtis, which appears to be: there’s nothing we can’t achieve if we work together a species, so long as we can just go back in time and correct all our mistakes.

Gasoline Alley, 1/14/11

With his pleas to his God having been rejected with contempt, Slim has quickly turned to nihilism. “Really, honey, in 100 years we’ll all be dead. All of us, just marching inexorably towards the grave, and nobody will remember we ever existed. Why bother? Why bother doing anything?”

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Shoe, 1/12/10

Now here’s a lovely example of how a single word balloon can transform a comic from boring and pedestrian and vaguely insulting to completely bonkers. I’m referring, of course, to the balloon emerging from Roz’s sundae. What could have been a sub-Cathyism — hee hee, the ladies, they like eating fatty food and are awash in body image self-hate! — instead becomes a rapid descent into madness. This descent takes one of two paths. Roz may have gone insane, and is now hearing voices emitting from ordinary inanimate objects; it’s also possible that this is in fact a sentient, talking dessert. The latter possibility is pretty strange, but is it really any stranger than talking birds who use their wing-hands to eat ice cream? In this scenario, Roz’s admonishment to keep her gluttony a secret from her thighs isn’t a mere whimsical joke, since there’s no reason to think that those thighs can’t think and speak as well.

Either way, I like the fact that the ice cream sundae is neither cheerfully declaring its desire to be consumed (as one might expect in the “Roz is nuts” scenario) nor screaming in terror as the instrument of its murder approaches (as you’d guess a self-aware ice cream sundae would react in this situation); instead, it just gives Roz a standoffish “Uh … okay,” as if waiting to see where this is all going.

Mary Worth, 1/12/10

Today’s Mary Worth demonstrates the limits of Mary’s memory self-modification techniques. Jill urges everyone to purge from their minds the image of her making a drunken scene and being forcibly removed from the rehearsal dinner; and yet panel one demonstrates with its complete awesome hilariousness that we can never, ever let such good times vanish from our recollections. Is Jill sticking her tongue out? Is Dr. Jeff raising his upper lip in a tough-guy sneer? Never forget, I say. Never forget.

Gil Thorp, 1/12/10

Oh, hey, remember Gil Thorp’s new extremely thinly veiled gay character? Turns out he’s Gil Thorp’s new extremely thinly veiled gay basketball prodigy! Also, he really, really likes vests, for some reason.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 1/12/10

Ha ha, looks like somebody stopped just talking about it and actually had Snuffy brutally assaulted!