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Mary Worth, 8/6/08

Most scientists agree that today’s Mary Worth — in which Toby completes an e-commerce transaction with a click of the F10 button, then contemplates checking her e-mail — contains the least amount of action that can possibly sustain two panels. However, based on observations from the past few installments of this strip, tomorrow’s Mary Worth will almost certainly contain even less of interest, causing the local time continuum to ground to a halt. Friday’s strip will then take place on Wednesday, as the timeflow begins to unspool in reverse. It’s unclear what the cosmic consequences for this violation of the rules of nature will be, but it can’t be good.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/6/08

The second and third panels of this strip contain a delightful study in contrasts. In panel two, June’s manic grin is wholly inappropriate for someone proposing to spend a painful week alone with her surly, disinterested husband; in panel three, Rex reacts to the suggestion with a stone-faced mask that barely conceals mounting panic, as if — oh, I don’t know, his wife had walked in on him having sex with another guy in the laundry room, to pick a random example out of thin air for no reason.

It’s worth noting that this blog’s murky opening days covered the tail end of a Rex Morgan, M.D., storyline that involved our medical couple going on a disastrous white-water rafting trip. I’m pretty sure that this was for fun (meeting my definition of a “vacation,” anyway) and Sarah was very much alive at that point, as Rex and June decided to fire their nanny during the drive home.

Curtis, 8/6/08

Good Lord! It’s so hot that Ms. Honeystump has been emblackened!

Mother Goose and Grimm, 8/6/08

dear God WHERE ARE THEY GOING TO PUT THAT TRANSMITTER

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Mary Worth, 8/3/08

Have any of the poor saps trapped in the bleak hell that is Mary Worth ever been set up for a fall as transparently as poor Toby has been over the past few days? I might feel a little pity for whatever identity theft drama that’s going to befall her as a result of handing out her credit card to whatever sort of greaseballs request it, if she weren’t so damn smug in her thought balloons. “Oooh, look at me, I understand that cash values in the modern economy can be treated as abstractions rather than amounts of actual, physical currency! I know how to look up things on Ian’s Enormoushop.com wish list! I’m the greatest wife — and greatest human being — in history!”

Speaking of smug, whatever ludicrous fraud-based hijinks go down over the next few weeks or months will at least feature Toby’s husband, which gets a big thumbs up from me. It’s been far, far too long since we’ve gotten to enjoy his bloviating chinbearded antics.

Family Circus, 8/3/08

Well, Billy, if the car “broke down” near the mall, your parents would have a harder time convincing the police that all of you were “accidentally” “eaten by coyotes.”

Funky Winkerbean, 8/3/08

Looks like another perpetually morose character is unable to stop thinking about his body’s early decay and eventual death, and is spreading the obsessive gloom to his still emotionally healthy daughter! Or, as we call it in Funky Winkerbean, “Sunday.”

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Mary Worth, 8/1/08

I’m sorry, did I sarcastically imply that yesterday’s strip, in which a restaurant bill was paid, was some sort of apex of boringness? That was before today, when Toby tried and failed to find a boring documentary and contemplated engaging in e-commerce. It’s not going to get any worse than this, right? Right? Please don’t test me!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/1/08

Oh, those extra-thorough county health officials! Naturally, when inspecting private home for contagious diseases, they also do a careful search for residue from illegal drugs! Because it’s a well known facts that drug-addicted degenerates are also diseased! I’m just sorry we didn’t get to see them give a urine test to a bunch of old gym mats.

Shoe, 8/1/08

So … Senator Belfry wants to take you up in him? Senator Belfry wants you to spend time in a basket dangling from his underside? This is the sort of joke that sounds like it’s supposed to be dirty, but dissolves into incoherence when you think about it for more than 15 seconds. The fact that I spend more than 15 seconds thinking about Shoe is probably one of my major life problems.

I do like the fact that the good Senator isn’t even bothering to sit next to his latest floozy. Because actually making conversation with your mistress is for those losers in the House.