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Herb and Jamaal, 7/25/08

I’ve been reading Herb and Jamaal for years now — long, boring years, in which the lack of specific references to anything have left virtually no concrete memories in my mind. Still, I’m pretty sure that this is the first time since I’ve been keeping up with the strip that we’ve met Herb’s mother. At least, I’m assuming this is supposed to be Herb’s mother, since his mother-in-law was complaining about her imminent arrival earlier this week. It could just be some middle-aged Jewish guy Herb’s reminiscing about his father with for some reason.

Mary Worth, 7/25/08

“Jeff, the only thing stopping us is ourselves! Darn us and our pathological inability to feel pleasure!”

I’ve been to some fancy seafood restaurants where they have the evening’s fish selections laid out on ice in a case for you to look at before ordering. The Bum Boat goes one better, apparently, by just nailing the catch of the day to the wall. That way, the elderly clientele won’t hurt their necks by bending down to look at it.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/25/08

“Ha ha, you’re right, I am making that up! I actually spent the afternoon having sex in the back of our car with some guy I met on Craigslist. I don’t think I buttoned my shirt up properly afterwards. Wait, did I just say all that aloud?”

Pluggers, 7/25/08

Pluggers don’t need real bifocals because the TV listings are the only thing they ever read.

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Sorry, I did not get a chance to pen my “What it’s like to be on Jeopardy!” epic today — sometime tomorrow, I promise, OK? Meanwhile, enjoy this fine comic commentary.

Mary Worth, 7/23/08

Dear creators and publishers of Mary Worth:

The following is a list of subjects that I never want to see discussed in your feature under any circumstances at any point in the future:

• Mary’s “tender bud”
• Jeff’s “dirty root”

If you must focus on an intimate part of someone’s anatomy, why not do a sequence on the ass of the gentleman walking into the Bum Boat ahead of our reunited lovebirds? You’ve featured it prominently enough, and anyone who wears jeans that color probably wouldn’t bother with pretentious, repulsive plant metaphors.

Apartment 3-G, 7/23/08

“And then — and only then — I’ll let him see me with the top button of this shirt unbuttoned.”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/23/08

Haw haw! Hillbillies live surrounded by piles of their own garbage!

Marmaduke, 7/23/08

Marmaduke doesn’t consider a shoe to be a “prize” unless there’s still a human foot inside of it.

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Hagar the Horrible, 7/22/08

You know, the “joke” in this comic would have worked just as well (which is to say NOT VERY WELL AT ALL) if Lucky Eddie hadn’t been drawn to look like the Nazis in Raiders Of The Lost Ark right after they opened the Ark of the Covenant. As it is, we are left to wonder why Doctor Zook is handing out platitudes about a healthy diet to a patient who obviously either hasn’t slept in six days or has just been hit in the face with a brick.

Apartment 3-G, 7/22/08

“Ha, I knew it would be dangerous to bring my diary on this mission — why, it could have fallen into the hands of the Red Chinese! It was a stroke of genius to call my personal assistant on this landline and have her write in my diary for me, which is safely back at home in the U.S. Now the Chinese police will be none the wiser. I’d better use everyone’s full name, too, in case I forget who I was talking about years later when I look at what she wrote.”

Mary Worth, 7/22/08

As she finally resigns herself to this “human affection” thing she’s heard so much about, Mary Worth decides to try putting her head on Jeff’s shoulder, a romance technique she learned from a song on the local oldies station. A good first effort, Mary, but next time you might want to bend at the neck, not the waist.

Judge Parker, 7/22/08

You know, like Freud almost said, sometimes a golf club is just a golf club.

Not in this case, though. This strip is obviously about the fact that Sam and Abbey haven’t had sex since 1995.