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Archive: Mary Worth

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Charterstone SWINGS

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Mary Worth, 3/5/23

Ah, it looks like Estelle is finally coming to the conclusion that it’s not that she has bad taste in men, exactly, it’s just that she can’t afford to make any one man her be-all and end-all. Looks like she’s going to explore ethical non-monogamy and rely on each of her suitors for what they do best: Ed, when she wants to be with someone who’s handsome and charismatic and a good kisser; Wilbur, when she wants someone who’s available at all times because he doesn’t have much of a social life or even a real job; and Arthur, for … phone sex? As a skilled romance-scam artist targeting the elderly over the phone, Arthur was good as phone sex, probably?

Gasoline Alley, 3/5/23

As America’s last living veteran of World War I, Walt could probably give Gertie a pretty good explanation of what hyperinflation is like, since he was actually around for the last serious bout of it in the Western world. Unfortunately, Gertie made the mistake of saying “shell shock” in the final panel, so she’s going to be dealing with his PTSD all afternoon instead.

Marvin, 3/5/23

What would Jeff’s prize have been if he had won this staring contest? That Bitsy would agree to pee in the house? I know the Millers are trapped in a unending hell of poop and piss, but I’m beginning to suspect it might be at least a little their fault.

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Death, dogs, and dog deaths

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Marvin, 3/3/23

If, like me, you are hopelessly addicted to the Twitter dot com website, you’ve been following the company’s latest drama for a while now and thinking “When? When will it be over? When will the site truly crack up so I can finally be free?” Well, I’m not going to say that Marvin doing a joke where the whole punchline is the fact that Marvin says the word “tweet” is the final nail in the coffin, but I think it could be a sign that our salvation isn’t far off.

Mary Worth, 3/3/23

“It’s like people want to pay me to kill their pets but then want me to keep them alive at no cost! Shouldn’t it be the other way around? It’s a topsy-turvy world and I can’t handle it anymore!”

Hagar the Horrible, 3/3/23

Bad news, everyone: Hagar the Horrible, the famous viking, is dead! Looks like he and his men pillaged the wrong castle and he suffered major, catastrophic organ damage from multiple arrow wounds. RIP Hagar the Horrible, c. 895-c. 925.

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Trouble in paradise

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Mary Worth, 3/1/23

Uh oh! Looks like Estelle is running into the dark side of dating a hot, animal-saving, ivory-tinkling hunk like Dr. Ed: he has other obligations, like to the animals he has to save, or the ivories he has to tinkle, or whatever. Hey, Estelle, you know who won’t stand you up on a date? Wilbur! He’ll always be there for you, even if you don’t want him to be! Sorry, those are your only two choices, I guess!

Crock, 3/1/23

Every classic comic strip needs to have a longtime married couple who hates each other to remind readers that heterosexual monogamy is a crushing prison, and in Crock that couple is Grossie and Maggot. Usually they just hate each other in a “fun” way, like with quips and such, but their facial expressions in today’s panel let us know that every moment of their existence, in which they’re forced to remain together forever in a strip that will keep going out in reruns indefinitely, is an agonizing one.

Shoe, 3/1/23

Every once in a while I need to remind you, my faithful readers, about the ways in which I suffer for your entertainment and my craft, so I’m going to tell you that my very first instinct upon reading today’s Shoe was to do some online research on whether cloacas have sphincters that allow birds to hold in their poops or if they just have to let it go as soon as it’s ready. Anyway, the material I found was very gross, and the answer is that they can hold it in but not for anywhere near as long as mammals without risking injury so they generally don’t, so yes, Shoe is being literal here, the staff of the Treetops Tribune just let it rip around the office wherever and whenever they need to.