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Alice, 11/4/24

A thing I think about a lot is that the guy who the “Pizzagate” conspiracy theory inspired to shoot up Comet Ping-Pong in the aftermath of the 2016 election had gotten home internet only a few weeks before. Imagine going from zero to 2016-election-campaign-level internet madness instantly! You’ve heard vaguely that the “Web” is the best way to learn about news and current events, finally get hooked up, and the first thing you discover is that there’s a cabal of pedophiles operating out of a pizza place in D.C. Anyway, it’s eight years later and the internet has gotten a lot worse, so, I’m just going to say it: I’m worried about Alice.

Dick Tracy, 11/4/24

I have a stepbrother who used to be a Marine and is recently retired from the Border Patrol, and that’s a great way to hear all the jokes that different kinds of troops and/or cops tell about each other (he once referred to the Highway Patrol as “AAA with a badge,” for instance). This Dick Tracy storyline started with a crazy (?) guy getting arrested by the Neo-Chicago Transit Authority (T.A.) for jumping a turnstyle, showing a fake (?) employee ID from the mysterious “Totten Organization,” and then he got murdered in the bathroom of the T.A. jail, so I’m hoping to see some similar inter-agency snark upcoming. I feel like we’re off to a good start here with the Chief telling Dick, “Oh yeah, some guy got arrested for an extremely minor crime and then died in jail, right under the T.A. cops’ noses … but wait, this time there’s something screwy about that scenario.”

Mary Worth, 11/4/24

Sometimes with visual art, it’s an open question whether you’re supposed to interpret what you’re seeing literally, or just understand that the people and items you can see have been arranged as you see them in order to emphasize their importance and relevance. Like, did Dr. Ed and Estelle really set up an end table for their three pets to sit on and bark/meow approvingly while they toast one another in front of their five friends and Wilbur? Or are they “really” on the floor, but we’ve only got two panels and surely you don’t want us to ditch the establishing shot or draw anybody’s feet?

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Mary Worth, 11/1/24

Aww, who came to Dr. Ed and Estelle’s last-minute, let’s-make-it-legal-before-we-have-another-dumb-fight wedding? Well, from right, we have: Saul and Eve (intense dog owners, probably repeat customers at Dr. Ed’s clinic due to obsessive worrying over their pets’ health), Dr. Ed’s former lover Shiela, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz (officiant), Mary, some guy (maybe supposed to be Dr. Jeff except his temples aren’t grey and also his nose and chin look wrong???), and, of course, Wilbur, making his second appearance at an ex’s wedding in as many years. It’s good that this is happening to him! I think he should continue to suffer further humiliation until he’s learned his lesson (he never will). Maybe he’ll get an invite from Fabiana when she finally marries her cousin, dare to dream!

Crock, 11/1/24

I dunno, maybe I’m reading too much into a kind of nothing joke, but I feel like at least a little of the implication here is that the wife is going to be eating this dinner too, right? “Don’t eat the dinner, honey … the dinner is me … the dinner is me” (she’ll never hear it because nobody listens to their voice mail anymore, haha kids today am I right)

Beetle Bailey, 11/1/24

“Do the creators of Beetle Bailey know what ‘puppy play’ is?” is the sort of question that I will never, ever want to actually learn the answer to but also will never, ever be able to stop thinking about.

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Gil Thorp, 10/31/24

Oh, huh, Gil Thorp as a vampire is gonna be a cherished annual tradition now? I’m not complaining, mind you. Far from it! I do question some of the vampire world-building here, though. Why would you bother getting into a sword fight if you were a vampire? No metal blade can harm you! You could simply knock the mortal’s weapon aside with your bare hand and begin drinking his delicious blood.

Mary Worth, 10/31/24

Hey, remember the whole plot where Mary briefly got into the wild world of competitive cake baking, with a friend who turned out to be into her, sexually? She’s put those days behind her now, but it’s nice that she’s providing free (?) services for Ed and Estelle’s bare bones wedding. It gives her an opportunity to show off her skills, and also self-aggrandize by imagining baking a single cake was just as complex an undertaking as the painstaking and annoying emotional process we’ve been subjected to throughout Ed and Estelle’s relationship. Why, she doesn’t even have to deal with a transfer!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/31/24

As a child growing up in Buffalo, I experienced this disappointment year after year — and only much later, as an adult, did it occur to me that I should’ve come up with costume ideas that could accommodate or possibly even integrate a heavy coat. It was then that I took to heart the lesson that Rex Morgan is trying to teach us, which is that kids are actually pretty stupid.

Gearhead Gertie, 10/31/24

Gertie, there is no part of the Halloween mythos where you make children answer questions about your special interest before you give them candy! Please, why are you doing this??? Just dress up as a NASCAR driver and call it a day!!!!!!