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Gil Thorp, 4/11/23

Oh, gosh, I guess I’ve been failing to keep you informed on Actual Sports Action in Gil Thorp, although obviously you’re fully up to date on Unsettlingly Realistic Mascot Action. Anyway, during the championship game, a collision between two players caused one of them to go into cardiac arrest, just like what happened to the Buffalo Bills’ Damar Hamlin, but unlike those wimps in the NFL, our high school players finished their game and the Mudlarks won the championship to cap off an undefeated season. I’m showing you today’s strip because I know it contains action you do care about (Coach Hernandez whispering erotic threats into Gil’s ear).

Dick Tracy, 4/11/23

Meanwhile, in Dick Tracy, there’s a new criminal with a strong theme on the loose, and you can tell by Dick’s face in the final panel the withering contempt he holds this guy in. “Remember when my rogues gallery consisted of people with horrible scars or mutations, and perpetrating violence was the thing they loved most of all? Well, now I’m going up against a guy who’s into [extremely heavy sigh] classic game show.”

Dennis the Menace, 4/11/23

I guess the joke here is that this birthday party is such a wild ride with Dennis and the other local brats that a normal clown can’t handle it, but that doesn’t really match up with what we’re seeing, which is a bunch of children standing around holding balloons politely. So maybe Mr. Wilson is actually just hoping a violently bucking bull will soon burst through the fence, trampling everybody to death.

Hi and Lois, 4/11/23

I am absolutely in favor of Hi and Lois leaning into a new concept for Hi and Thirsty’s work life: that Mr. Foofram is a weak nebbish that Thirsty and Hi constantly walk all over. “He’s taking me out to lunch — then we’re gonna come back and fuck on your desk, so you might want to clear out.”

Pluggers, 4/11/23

Many years ago I caught some blowback for smugly claiming that pluggers live in filth because they’re gross and lazy. Now that I’m older and wiser, but mostly older, I see the truth: pluggers live in filth simply because most filth is on the floor, and you have to bend over to get to it.

Mary Worth, 4/11/23

I’ve been trying for a while to come up with my own joke about this strip but I’m afraid it’s perfect and requires no elaboration? Enjoy Estelle efficiently finding a solution for this beefy man and his ailing boa constrictor that doesn’t add to Dr. Ed’s workload or emotional load, everybody!

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Shoe, 4/10/23

I joke about goggle eyes of horror a lot on this site in regards to Shoe but here’s an instance when they’re absolutely justified. Why on earth would you start a conversation like this? Why are you going around springing little “I can’t operate on this man … he’s my son!” riddles on people without their consent? Roz is just trying to supply everyone with passable diner food and make just enough conversation so they don’t feel lonely, so why would you do this to her? It’s unconscionable!

Mary Worth, 4/10/23

I was going to go on a riff about how Estelle’s going to be “getting her hands dirty” all right, once she starts having to euthanize animals, but then I caught glimpse of her eyes in the second panel. That’s a lady who got to her volunteer gig this morning and immediately started enjoying the massive amounts of horse tranquilizer that Dr. Ed keeps on hand at the vet clinic (a vet clinic that does not now and has never in the past treated horses).

Beetle Bailey, 4/10/23

You ever think that Beetle Bailey just might kind of want to die? Would explain a lot!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/8/23

Look, Yvonne, either this guy has gone on a journey of personal self discovery that has resulted in the enshittification of his musical career and him dressing like a Secret Service agent for some reason or he and “Dr. Mirakle” are running a badly marketed scam to captive cruisegoers, or maybe Mud Mountain thinks it’s the first one but Dr. Mirakle knows it’s the second one, but whichever one it is, it’s gonna be pretty funny, so please let’s move forward and forget about the “Muddy Boots” thing, OK? I’m sure it’s on Spotify. Maybe ask some probing questions. What’s up with the sunglasses, for instance? Is he blind now? Did Dr. Mirakle order him to blind himself, as part of his ritual of transformation? Or is he just really hungover?

Mary Worth, 4/8/23

“Wow, we just started dating, so suddenly working together every day could be a lot … and you have literally no experience in the veternary field … and you’re clearly very comfortable letting things linger on painfully instead of putting them out of their misery, as evidenced by how long it took you to fully break up with Wilbur … sounds like you’re the pefect candidate! You start Monday bright and early. Hope you own some clean scrubs because the ones down at the clinic have a lot of dog blood on them.”