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Slylock Fox, 7/6/15

Are we supposed to assume that our criminal dog, fleeing Slylock and his goons, got into this room one step ahead of the law? How did that work, exactly? He leaps into the unoccupied bed, starts feverishly wrapping bandages around his face, and growls to the actual patient, “You don’t say nothin’, see?” Or maybe it’s much more horrible: maybe he’s subjected the other dog to an involuntary Face/Off-style surgery, the better to escape justice. His victim is in a morphine haze, but the criminal refused painkillers; though he’s in agony, he knew he’d have to be sharp in case the cops showed up. Either way, the real tragedy is that the real patient didn’t receive a fruit basket.

Spider-Man, 7/6/15

This is a good question, because let’s be frank: even when he has his whole life ahead of him, caring about stuff isn’t Peter Parker’s strong suit.

Archie, 7/6/15

The way Veronica stares directly at the viewer in the final panel, inviting us into her world of gossip, is profoundly unsettling. “Do you miss the good old days? Sign up for an account on Gosspr, my new social app for gossip and rumors, and feel free to share what you know or have heard about your closest friends! #jointhecoversation”

Momma, 7/6/15

Ha ha, it’s funny because Francis and Marylou are slowly poisoning their mother!

Pluggers, 7/6/15

Pluggers have found that they hardest part of living is the seemingly endless slog through a meaningless existence that we have to endure until we finally feel the sweet embrace of death.

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Apartment 3-G, 6/4/15

Hey, remember Mike Downey, the manager of the hotel where Martin lives who practically runs the place, and who, when he first met Lu Ann, thought she was Martin’s much younger mistress, or maybe a prostitute? Well, they’re totally gonna date now! Haha, it’s the classic movie thing where first they hate each other and then they love each other, if by “hate” you mean “he held her in contempt due to his assumptions about her sexual choices” and “love” you mean “he wants to have sex with her and she’ll probably go along with it for some reason.”

Momma, 6/4/15

Wow, who knew that we had misunderstood German calls for Lebensraum in the ’30s? It didn’t mean that the Master Race wanted to purge the steppe of Untermenschen; no, they just needed to get a little space between them and their nagging wives, amiright fellas? Also, Momma is of course long-widowed, but her dialogue in panel one makes it seem like she’s part of the club of women whose husbands are avoiding them. Perhaps death is the ultimate fake business trip where you’re secretly cheating on your wife? Makes you think.

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Judge Parker, 5/2/15

Say what you will about Judge Parker, but it is not afraid to play the long game. Remember way back in May of 2013, when Sophie casually mentioned that wars interest her? Well, that interest is not just academic. Sophie understands that she’ll probably have to spend a few years on the battlefield to gain experience and cred, of course, but she no doubt rightfully assumes that her coldly calculating intellect will quickly catapult her up the ranks until she’s planning major campaigns from deep in her underground bunker, ordering cities to be wiped out with a mere gesture. Honey Ballenger will be sorry she stole away prevented Sophie from stealing away Derek then, in that brief moment before the flash vaporizes her and everyone she’s ever known.

Momma, 5/2/15

Sure, there are a lot of problems with America’s profit-focused health care system, but look on the bright side: maybe it will kill Momma!

Pluggers, 5/2/15

But

I mean

This is just literally what oral tradition is

You haven’t put a plugger twist on it all

Come on now

Really