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Mary Worth, 12/10/15

Sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date on Mary and Olive’s Manhattan tourism adventures. At the moment, they’re taking in the smash Broadway musica Matilda, based on the beloved Roald Dahl book, about a little girl with the ability to move objects with her mind, and … say, Mary, what are you on about here, exactly? So far, Olive’s unusual powers have been somewhat passive in nature: angelic visions, premonitions of danger, that sort of thing. But soon her powers will be turned outwards. Soon, all of us will wish we never heard the name “Olive” — and Mary will be there, each step of the way, pulling the strings.

Dennis the Menace, 12/10/15

Like many people throughout the ages who have encountered evil that they’re unable or unwilling to stop, Mr. Wilson is finding comfort in the idea of a supernatural being in charge of a system of rewards and punishments.

Gasoline Alley, 12/10/15

Say what you will about Gasoline Alley’s current bizarre fixation on scrapbooking, but this is the fifth time in two weeks I’ve featured the strip here, which is more attention I’ve paid to this feature since Slim tried to ethnically cleanse his neighborhood with a meteorite back in aught-seven. Anyway, today’s baffling detail is the WFW, which doesn’t seem to be an abbreviation for any particular sports league. Potential definitions offered by Wikipedia and Urban Dictionary seem unlikely, though hilarious.

Momma, 12/10/15

That is not Thomas and Tina

That is Francis and MaryLou, and they are not married, they are brother and sister

Exactly what kind of sick incest roleplay is happening here

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The Phantom, 12/8/15

We’ve now got to the part of the Tales of the Young Phantom where the Phantom had to ditch his posh American boarding school and go back to Bangalla and take over for his dad, who presumably was horribly mangled in a battle on the river against bandits and/or hippos. My favorite part of this strip is that Guran, who normally lets it all hang out in garb well-suited to Bangalla’s tropical climate, has been forced to put on Western clothes to fit in, and looks extremely unhappy about it. What is that, a blue chambray shirt tucked into jeans? Looks like faithful reader lumaca morente’s guess that this was all happening the ’90s was spot on.

Spider-Man, 12/8/15

One of my very favorite Newspaper Spider-Man storylines was when J. Jonah Jameson finally started offering health insurance to freelancers and Peter had to go get a physical before he could get insurance (which I’m pretty sure was never a thing, even in the days when you could be excluded for pre-existing conditions) and he wore his Spider-Man outfit under his clothes but then panicked when he forgot that visiting the doctor sometimes involves getting naked. I don’t remember how this ended, but he was briefly transformed into “Gown Man” and at some point the doctor tried to patent his spider-blood (the relative blood of a … spider?). What I’m saying is that I have high hopes for more medical hijinx from the quack J. Jonah Jameson keeps on retainer to certify that injuries suffered by Bugle contractors don’t qualify for workman’s comp.

In other news, JJJ’s right hand in panel two is reaching … through his jacket? Or maybe over it, or around it? To drape it over his right shoulder? The less time spent thinking about this the better, honestly.

Momma, 12/8/15

I’m not sure what the “EXIT” sign in panel one is supposed to signify. It’s pointing the way out of … this outdoor space where Francis is extolling his new girlfriend’s virtues? Sadly, if Momma thinks it’s an exit from this comic strip, she has another thing coming.

Gasoline Alley, 12/8/15

“Remember, kids, being one of the most famous writers in the world won’t do jack shit for you, financially! If you want to get rich, you’ve gotta do something really profitable, like patent valuable scrapbooking paraphernalia!”

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Mark Trail, 11/20/15

Good news for everyone who missed the entire plotline that led up to last week’s fisticuffs: some Homeland Security dudes showed up in a sweet hovercraft (not pictured), and now Mark and Ken are describing their adventures in detail in the breathless tones of very excited nine-year-olds.

Gasoline Alley, 11/20/15

Walt Wallet, having been refamiliarized with the identity of his descendents, is now just straight-up denigrating the sad state of modern education. In his day, everyone could rattle off the list of governors of Plymouth Colony before their eighth birthday! And what’s this garbage? A turkey? Everyone knows there were no turkeys at the first Thanksgiving! The cries of “Quiet!” and “Hush!” will just get more and more ineffectual as Walt finds his cantankerous groove.

Momma, 11/20/15

OK, Momma, I know Room has won critical and commercial acclaim with this premise, but I think you need a little more nuance and character development and a lot less overt Oedipal horror to really make it work.

Apartment 3-G, 11/20/15

GREAT, MARGO’S NOT MARRYING GREG OR ERIC AT THE END OF APARTMENT 3-G, WE’VE GOT LIKE THREE DAYS LEFT, LET’S HURRY UP AND FIND OUT WHO LU ANN AND TOMMIE AREN’T GOING TO MARRY