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“Well helloooooo, ladies! … and gents!”

“Welcome back to World of Animals, an occasional feature—I’m your beloved host, Carl. My how the time does fly; let’s get straight to those fascinating Nature Facts from the wonderful World of Animals!”

One Big Happy (panel), 9/1/24

“What? LIBEL! Wait, libel is when it’s printed. Okay, SLANDER! Hmm, what is it when a printed guy says something? All right James, I’m going to let you off the hook this one time—but watch your step, pal!”

Mark Trail, 9/15/24

“HA! ‘Cat colony in the wild’ is warmblood code for a gang of insatiable, fanged monsters who prowl by night murdering innocent turtles. WIPE THEM OUT! [ahem] Thank you for your kind attention.”

Slylock Fox, (panel) 9/15/24

“Well, of course! Did you think a reptile would ever be so rude? Do you think we’re amphibians or something?”

Mutts, 9/15/24

“Look, we turtles may have our faults, but we’re not delusional.“

Rex Morgan, M.D. (panel), 9/15/24

“Well, you’re the expert! But why not find a nice rock to sun yourself on instead of hogging that bench all week?”

That’s all for today—time to get up from the bench and explore the wonderful World of Animals!

— Turtle Carl

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Heathcliff, 10/14/13, 10/15/13

What goes on by night in Heathcliff’s neighborhood just got a lot more disturbing. Heathcliff has quintupled his garbage consumption in just a few short months, and now requires armored strikes by Garbage Ape just to keep him in slop. I fear he is building his strength for an apocalyptic conflict with Marmaduke for absolute domination of the comics page, and I’m not sure which one to back. In this business, you don’t want to be wrong about something like that.

One Big Happy, 10/14/13, 10/15/13

Meanwhile, Ruthie’s got a raven to sleep in her princess doll bed, hide in her closet, and share her breakfast. The raven tells her secrets. Terrible, terrible secrets that all ravens know but little girls must not.

Stupid raven, leave her alone — she’s just a little girl! I don’t care how much you like Trix!

Gil Thorp, 10/14/13

First I wrote, “Gil Thorp is getting a little annoying”, but the sentence just laughed at me so I put these other words around it. John Pascoe is a skilled football player who can talk but doesn’t. Nobody else can seem to shut up about this. Including, now, me. Crap.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Ziggy, 11/10/10

Ha ha, the clown wants to see the funnies because clowns are … funny, by definition, you see! And by “funny” I of course mean “horrifying beyond description,” particularly this clown, who’s some kind of terrifying clown-giant. I mean, I know Ziggy is supposed to be particularly small and gnomish even by the malformed standards of the inhabitants of Ziggy-world, but the two of them are ostensibly sitting on the same bench, and the top of the clown’s thigh is nearly level with Ziggy’s armpit. In fact, the clown’s limbs seem to be intruding rather generally into Ziggy’s personal space, and while Ziggy is just the sort of meek loser who often finds his boundaries crossed without any protest on his part, I feel that this clown-beast has sinister intentions. The ellipsis that begins his dialogue is perhaps relevant. “I always think that a man should die with a smile on his face. So, are you finished with the funnies?”

Mary Worth, 11/10/10

Oh my goodness, look at how ecstatic Adrian is in panel two, as Scott tells off Jill! Ha ha, her hero, who can save her the trouble of asserting herself with her friends, or other humans generally! She’ll definitely be going on that non-vacation honeymoon with him now!

One Big Happy, 11/10/10

Someone needs to explain to Ruthie that when it comes to dogs “exercise” is often a euphemism for “pooping.” But, whatever, she’s apparently OK with filthy squirrels running all through her house, so maybe a few dog turds here and there aren’t a big concern for her.