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Funky Winkerbean, 12/24/20

It’s Christmas Eve, everybody! What do you need to make your holiday complete? Is it the return of the storyline about Funky’s senile and sexually aggressive father?

Pardon My Planet, 12/24/20

Is it a vision of Santa and his elves, conducting unspeakable medical experiments on innocent people for no reason you can fathom?

Six Chix, 12/23/20

Wrong! What you need to make your holiday complete is this comic strip about a teddy bear yelling at a little girl that she needs to learn about self-soothing! Simultaneously baffling and repellent, it’s everything we love about this wonderful season. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

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Pardon My Planet, 6/13/20

So they’re gonna … dig up this guy? Who’s been dead for more than 20 years? And … they’re gonna make him pay his taxes? As near as I can tell there’s no famous tax cheat with the name and lifespan on that headstone, so maybe this is some sort of name-check of an acquaintance of the cartoonist, whose grieving family surely didn’t deserve this.

Beetle Bailey, 6/13/20

Generally speaking, those “delivery in [X] minutes or your pizza’s free” rebates come out of the driver’s paycheck, so I guess the joke here is that this guy is going to lose money because Beetle is holding him for a while at gunpoint.

Pluggers, 6/13/20

THAT’S RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKERS, PLUGGERS HAVE NEVER DONE A MOMENT’S INTROSPECTION IN THEIR LIVES AND THEY NEVER WILL

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Pardon My Planet, 4/17/19

Welp, I’ve got three more months of analysis under my belt and I still do not know what the deal is with Pardon My Planet. Are these two a stable couple of characters we’re supposed to know and love? Or does everyone in the strip just kind of look like this? Definitely could not tell you! I do enjoy the image of a Gen-X dude with a soul patch coming home after a long day at the office, settling back in his favorite chair, and then his beloved wife, dressed in a traditional tube top, brings him a soothing martini and engages him in discourse about the etymology of common phrases. I don’t necessarily want to live in this world, but I’m definitely warmed by the idea that it might exist.

Hi and Lois, 4/17/19

Man, it sure seems like Trixie’s been abandoned even more than usual today, doesn’t it? “I’ll just let the weather guy on Channel 7 babysit her until Chip gets home from school,” says Lois, as she hastily packs a bag and prepares to leave forever. “He seems trustworthy.”

Mary Worth, 4/17/19

ARTHUR IS COMING, EVERYBODY

BRACE YOURSELVES

BRACE YOURSELVES FOR THE MOST DELICIOUS DISAPPOINTMENT YOU’VE EVER SEEN