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Mary Worth, 6/11/17

Finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for: Derek and Esme acknowledge their attraction to one another, with their tobacco-stained lips, right in front of Katie! Here’s my main thought: Esme is wearing a tight, stunning floral dress and Katie is sporting a classic little black cocktail number, while Derek is wearing … a dull green polo shirt tucked into grey slacks? Why are these ladies fighting over this dull chump again, gimmie a break.

Rex Morgan, M.D. 6/11/17

Meanwhile, in the soap opera strips’ significantly less interesting love triangle, Holly is working overtime to prove to Kelly that she and Niki are just friends and that she wants to be friends with Kelly too! Just friends all around! Look at her, rubbing her hands together in absolute glee about all the new friends she’s going to have! This “high school musical thing” is going to be an underground prison where she can watch Niki and Kelly grow old together, right?

Pluggers, 6/11/17

You’re a plugger if all your friends are dying and you need to keep your suit clean in case you die too, so they can bury you in it.

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Pluggers, 6/10/17

Ha ha, yes, advertisers have little interest in plugger viewing habits because they don’t buy much and they’ll be dead soon, but anyway is it just me or is the plugger dog-man looking pretty pissed? “Damn you, handsome Ron Howard,” he thinks. “Damn you straight to hell for taking my wife’s heart away from me.”

Six Chix, 6/10/17

Hey, remember when there was that rash of updating classic books with “& Zombies” in the title? Well, they finally did it with the Bible, and it doesn’t look great.

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Funky Winkerbean, 6/8/17

I’m no “weed-ologist” but I’m given to understand that if you’re looking for a drug that will give you energy and help you focus when you’re tired, marijuana is not ideal for the task? Quite the opposite, in fact!

Spider-Man, 6/8/17

I for one would be extremely glad to see the Tyrannus storyline dropped entirely and instead we pivot to Mole-Man becoming a beloved oddball character actor à la Wallace Shawn.

Pluggers, 6/8/17

Pluggers can’t put away the booze like they used to, and they can’t chew that well either.