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Gil Thorp, 8/22/23

I guess Coach Hernandez didn’t realize that his redemption and plush new job at Milford would come with a price, until Gil informed him that, as Milford athletics director, he’d be exercising the ancient droit du seigneur with Mrs. Hernandez in Luke’s own condo, as detailed in the Valley Conference bylaws. Sorry, Luke, but being on the Mudlark coaching staff means participating in an endless cycle of cuckoldry.

Beetle Bailey, 8/22/23

Well, Sarge, while “Jumpin’ Jehoshaphat” is a minced oath, with the biblical king’s name substituting for “Jesus,” Jehoshaphat is in fact a theophoric name that means “Yahweh has judged.” So whenever you say it, you’re actually referencing the forbidden tetragrammaton, so, uh, yeah, you’d better put a dollar in that swear jar and you’re lucky that’s your only punishment.

Pluggers, 8/22/23

Pluggers need a dedicated team of highly skilled professionals just to keep them alive.

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Mary Worth, 7/29/23

Are you suffering from depression? Well, the good people at Mary Worth suggest that you simply reunite with a long lost friend, which will clear the problem up entirely. If you don’t have any friends, that frankly is not Mary Worth’s problem. Have you considered getting held hostage and barely escaping with your life? That’s a great way to meet people.

Hi and Lois, 7/29/23

Thirsty being kind of aggressively “fun” and wacky, waving his hands around … he’s drunk, right? Like, more than usual? I get why he’s so insistent, though: he’s finally figured out the secret to making golf fun and doesn’t want to let it go to waste.

Pluggers, 7/29/23

The way the he-plugger is clutching his chest here is evocative and disturbing to me. “Please, dear, stand up. We just need to make it to the car. We can’t afford the ambulance ride. I know you can do it!”

Gil Thorp, 7/29/23

“Imagine what they get away with in adult prisons. Oh, hey, I just happen to have this DVD about what they get away with in adult women’s prisons! Maybe we could watch that instead of the game? Ha ha, just kidding. Unless…?”

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Six Chix, 7/3/23

I like this one! I like this one because it implies either that crabs are the undersea equivalent of Americans, or that in the far future, Americans will evolve into crabs and take to the sea in order to escape our blighted surface but still retain a dim memory of the national habits and holidays of their distant ancestors. Either way, they exist in some sort of celebratory symbiosis with the jellyfish, a relationship that (I hope) is mutually beneficial.

The Lockhorns, 7/3/23

I’m really loving these two dudes sitting at the bar with big smiles on their faces. They’re all in the Hate Wife Club! Leroy is their new best friend and tonight they’re gonna tear this town up (have three more cocktails, get morose, the other two are going to call their wives up and beg for forgiveness and go home and leave Leroy with the beardy bartender who gets increasingly pointed as closing time approaches and Leroy continues to refuse to make eye contact).

Pluggers, 7/3/23

C’mon, man, that’s not a possum, that’s a bear! Oh, wait, he’s just playing possum. Anyway, c’mon, man, he’s not pretending to be dead, he’s actually dead! Been dead for hours! Kangaroo lady’s going to figure it out soon and it’s gonna hit her like a ton of bricks!