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Dick Tracy, 6/16/23

Dick Tracy is, indeed, a rich tapestry: one of its supporting characters, Diet Smith, is a wealthy scientist whose inventions have conquered both space and time, which led to sci-fi adventures on the Moon (whose people are now hiding in Antarctica), but the strip’s world also has room for comical rustics like the Plenty family with their old-timey phones and in-home poultry. These two storylines have collided both in Dick’s family, because his son married Moon Maid, the Moon Governor’s daughter, who later got blown up by car bomb, and then he married Sparkle Plenty, Gertie and B.O.’s daughter, but then Moon Maid came back and everyone got uncomfortable for a while until it turned out she was just a gangster’s girlfriend modified with moon DNA and forbidden science. Whew! That’s quite enough Dick Tracy backstory for the moment, so we’ll have to leave for another time the questions of whether the Moon Governor is aware that he’s named a new space coup after his dead daughter’s widower’s second wife, or why he uses “M.G.” as his initials. (Is “Moon Governor” his name?)

Pluggers, 6/16/23

All of us, pluggers and cosmopolitans a like, define ourselves and our tribes in part in terms of the qualities and habits in the Other that we lack. I am surely guilty of this in my many comments on the Pluggers syndicated newspaper panel, but I feel confident the panels themselves engage in the same practice, and I cannot look at this one without assuming that your typical plugger thinks my razor blades, my face, and indeed my entire coastal elite bathroom are simply awash in blood.

Judge Parker, 6/16/23

[extremely “LET’S GET READY TO RUMMMMMMBLE” voice] LET’S GET READY FOR THE SUMMER 2023 JUDGE PARKER POLYCUUUUUUUULE

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Mary Worth, 6/8/23

Looks like Santa Royale Action News has gotten wind of the van-based dognapping gang haunting the region, and thank goodness they’re interviewing this nice lady instead of Saul. People are going to see her on TV and think “Oh no! Our city’s pets and their owners are being victimized! We must stop at no expense to defeat these evil criminals!” If they had seen Saul, their reaction would be more “Honey, get in here, there’s a little dude in a bowtie on the news! Ha ha, he’s blubberin’ about his dog or something.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/8/23

As we discussed, Niki may have given up his cool hairstyle, but I’m happy to report that his mom is sticking with hers. She knows that Daryl Hannah’s chracter in Blade Runner was the pinnacle of fashion and she simply has no interest in making any changes at this time. Did she also stick with her meth manufacturing business? Probably not, right? 2023-ear Niki looks like a narc, I’m assuming he scared her straight.

The Lockhorns, 6/8/23

Leroy is, canonically, a Reddit guy, so you can see why he finds the fact that Loretta has paid $8 for a blue Twitter check so embarrassing. Obviously he’s not a fan of most of the stuff she does but you can see an even deeper contempt in his eyes than usual here.

Pluggers, 6/8/23

This phrase most of you associate with playful, youthful sexuality? To pluggers, it means pain, physical pain that they don’t trust anyone to diagnose or treat. This one is, uh, a little much, guys.

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Pluggers and Shoe, 6/6/23

How are the various human-animal hybrid monstrosities of the Jeff MacNelly Extended Universe grappling with the concept of the “beer belly”? Well, Pluggers would like you to know that they do not guzzle alcoholic beer like some lout; instead they get all the stimulation they could need from a combination of sugars and starches that every doctor on earth would look at and beg, “Please, rethink this.” Shoe, meanwhile, is confident that its core readership of elderly shut-ins has never been a store that sells novelty t-shirts and are unaware that they can find them online, so they’ll never realize that this is a shamelessly ripped off joke.

Slylock Fox, 6/6/23

Ah, here’s a delightful scene from the closing days of the Animal Revolution, in which one of few remaining human holdouts is cornered in a tent deep in the desert, while a grotesquely enhanced scorpion waits eagerly to sting him to death. However, as the snake-vulture interaction at the right of the panel illustrates, the animals are beginning to turn on one another, which explains why they failed to “finish the job” and Slick Smitty and Count Weirdly remain at large.

Gasoline Alley, 6/6/23

Oh, hey, how’s the tale of Rufus’s head injury going? Well, he’s unconscious and unresponsive, and emergency services are unable to reach him, so, not great, really! Not great at all!