Post Content

Mary Worth, 8/7/09

You know, I’m beginning to suspect that the creators of Mary Worth don’t have a particularly clear idea of what exactly it is a philosophy professor does for a living. Picking an actual professional philosopher essentially at random, one can say that it is unsurprising to find a philosophy prof who’s a beardy fellow and who write papers on things like “Determinism, Laws and Predictability in Principle” and “Metaphor and Theory Change.” In contrast, in my experience philosophers are not particularly prone to standing on stage in a rust-colored suit in front of an enormous sign bearing their own names, arms stretched out to receive adulation of the cheering, clapping masses, who are so eager for the briefest of contact with their idol that security must keep constant vigilance lest they degenerate into an unruly mob. I believe somewhere along the line “philosophers” have been confused with “motivational speakers” or “cult leaders.”

Pluggers, 8/7/09

Two possible explanations for this cartoon:

1. Pluggers are ignorant solipsists who believe that nothing that happened before they were born could possibly be important or worth knowing about.
2. Pluggers are almost unfathomably old.

Family Circus, 8/7/09

Ha ha! The vacationing Keanes will leave their campsite reeking of urine!

Marmaduke, 8/7/09

But hey, at least Billy isn’t letting Barfy devour a hapless fast-food cashier.

Post Content

Ziggy, 7/13/09

There’s plenty to love about today’s Ziggy — the terrifying demon-clown that’s popped out of the suggestion box, for instance, or the fact that Ziggy appears to be suffering a massive coronary upon seeing it, or the nameless bureaucrat watching it all with pinched, sadistic glee. (I was about to refer to this individual as “Ziggy’s boss,” since I initially thought that this was some sort of office scene, but I don’t think that can be right; Ziggy has never really been depicted as holding down any sort of job, which makes sense, as he appears to be pretty much unemployable.)

One thing I don’t like about this panel, though, is that we’re confronted with the bottom of Ziggy’s feet. Now, obviously the less time spent thinking about what goes on below Ziggy’s waist the better, but I think we’re all pretty much in agreement on the fact that he regularly goes about pantsless and, apparently, shoeless. The absence of discernible toes puts something of a dent in that theory, but one could always write that off due to the low level of detail in the strip; but the shading work on the soles of Ziggy’s feet today force us to contemplate what exactly the hell it is we’re looking at. My best guess is that what we call “feet” are actually enormous, uncloven hooves, making Ziggy some kind of bipedal semi-centaur. Ha ha, and you thought that Ziggy’s biology couldn’t get any more disturbing than your existing conception of it! On the bright side, though, the feet/hooves are large enough that we don’t get a good view up Ziggy’s smock, which is a blessing.

Family Circus, 7/13/09

The best little part of this cartoon is the sly little smile on Dolly’s face. “Wow, Billy, before this moment I always thought that male supremacy was an immutable fact of nature; but now I know that it has to be reinforced daily with displays of authority great and small. This knowledge will come in handy in my quest to smash the patriarchy!”

Slylock Fox, 7/13/09

“Laughing potion” is a powerful toxin that gets its name for its effects on the victim’s musculature. First the muscles of the face involuntarily contract, spreading the mouth into a ghastly parody of a grin; then the diaphragm spasms uncontrollably, causing a series of short, laugh-like bursts of air before total paralysis and suffocation set in. Slylock will determine which glass contains the potion by giving Max a sip from each one until he drops dead.

Pluggers, 7/13/09

It takes all the wiles of the pharmaceutical industry just to keep pluggers alive.

Post Content

Rex Morgan, M.D. 6/29/09

Rex Morgan, M.D.’s narrative lens has blessedly chosen to avert its gaze from June and Rex’s sure-to-be-awkward attempts to make a baby, which, I assume, means that we have arrived at the beginning of an EXCITING NEW ADVENTURE! Involving, uh, Becka, I guess; I mostly forgot who she was, but I think she’s a nurse at Rex and June’s practice (you might remember her helping June prepare for the MRSApocalypse). Anyway, she’s married to … Peter, it appears, whom I’m pretty sure I have no idea who that is, and who appears to be skulking about Sector T5 with sexy nutritionist Estelle Kirkland! What could these two be up to? Nutrition? Adultery? Adultery, followed by nutritious meals? Stay tuned!

Mary Worth, 6/29/09

Mary’s increasing desperation at her failed attempt to bludgeon Delilah back into her doomed marriage has been rather transparent. Nevertheless, Mary, that’s no excuse for pointing so rudely. Delilah may not be able to see it, but we can, and I for one am quite offended. It makes me want to refuse to join Lord Kitchener’s Army, which, having defeated the Hun, is apparently to be deployed to restore the magical Delilah-Lawrence romance back to its rightful unity, despite what the actual parties involved want.

Shoe, 6/29/09

Specifically, on someone who actually has hair — a mammal, say.

Pluggers, 6/29/09

Pluggers are sick of all this wasteful government spending. When will Congress allocate funds to something truly useful, like helping pluggers poop?