Post Content

Shoe, 10/27/22

I’m trying to figure out what the funniest message the Joint Chiefs of Staff could send to a small-town newspaper on an 8 x 11 sheet of paper in tiny font that would raise this level of shock from the Perfesser. I’m thinking “America’s civilian leadership has failed! The military must take control and begin the process of national regeneration. Do you happen to know the President’s phone number?”

Mary Worth, 10/27/22

With Zak’s life hanging in the balance (literally) and Iris unable or unwilling to hulk out, there’s only one thing left that can save our star- and age-crossed lovers: the power of prayer! Remember, when Wilbur was forced by circumstances into the ultimate indignity (climbing a tree) in order to hold starvation at bay, he beseeched the Almighty for help and was immediately transported to a party island, so I certainly hope God intervenes here as well and Zak falls harmlessly onto a cool trampoline while a bunch of positive-vibes bro onlookers cheer.

Pluggers, 10/27/22

EXTREMELY DEPRESSING PLUGGERS SCENARIO, 2006: I’m so desperate for cash I need to pawn my television, depriving me of some of the few joys I have left, for just a few meager dollars!

EXTREMELY DEPRESSING PLUGGERS SCENARIO, 2022: The computer watch tells me I can sleep now. Sleep. Sleep. You can tell from my facial expression that the only time I feel any pleasure is in that brief moment after I’ve been given permission to slip into blessed unconsciousness but before sleep takes me and I stop feeling anything at all.

Post Content

Mother Goose and Grimm, 10/12/22

Whoops, I was going to do a whole bit about how this bulldog straight-up murdered someone in prison “the kennel,” but it turns out that teardrop tattoos are polysemous, with as many meanings as there are people who get them. So instead I’ll just say that I really admire the 3D, photorealistic work on this one, much better than you usually see in from tattoos people get while incarcerated, and even more impressive when you realize that the artist probably didn’t have thumbs.

Six Chix, 10/12/22

Look, if you had told me when I first launched this blog that I would be spending a lot of time contemplating the romantic and reproductive lives of mermaids, I might’ve taken a different path in life, but I’m here now and have to make the best of it. Anyway, we now know that, in the early stage of their lifecycle, mer-people have a fish upper half and mammalian lower half, which is really quite a fascinating discovery! Also, as with fish, it seems that the sperm and egg meet and fertilize outside the body, meaning that the young must be retrieved and delivered to the mother by a stork (a species that coexists with mermaids in some kind of symbiotic relationship) in order to be properly raised. (On the other hand, it’s possible that this baby is a reversed generic abomination that the mother tried unsuccessfully to toss into the sea, and this stork is just confronting her with her responsibilities.)

Pluggers, 10/12/22

Ha ha! It’s funny because pluggers are in pain, all the time!

Post Content

Slylock Fox, 10/5/22

I’m very tickled by the fact that a mystery comic strip for kids (it’s right there in the title! Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids! surely many kids are reading the daily paper for its furry-based mystery content, right?) would have a question that includes the word “monogamous” in it. I feel like this is going to lead to a certain amount of vocabulary questioning that in most cases will go fine but might give rise to a few children awkwardly learning that their parents are swingers. Anyway, you know who isn’t monogamous? This octopus! Look at her gathering up all these engagement rings, as she plans to propose to each and every member of her polycule.

The Phantom, 10/5/22

Look, I understand that as this nation’s foremost comics blogger I carry a host of obligations to you, my readers, and one of those is letting you know when the flaming skeleton appears in The Phantom. Well, there he is! I’m under no obligation to explain to you what the hell is going on, so just enjoy the out of context skeleton, slowly skeleton-walking his way to through the jungle, presumably to interact with one of the other characters, eventually.

Pluggers, 10/5/22

Wow, that freezer sure is packed full with identical boxes! I guess it doesn’t take much to make a plugger happy, but it sure takes a lot of it.