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Pluggers, 10/15/20

Pluggers are lonely. So lonely! Who will talk to pluggers? Well, maybe if they just rifle through this seven-year-old phone book — the last one ever delivered to them — and see if any of the names ring a bell, they’ll find someone who will talk to them. They do this every nine months ago when everything just gets to be too much, and every time fewer and fewer people answer.

Crock, 10/15/20

Look, I’m not saying that I want characters in comic strips to be photorealistic humans. Far from it! That would ruin the fun of comics! I’m just saying if your the design of your one of your characters is an undifferentiated dumpling of flesh, whose protruding lower lip sits immediately above his hairy chest with no obvious jaw between thorax and brainpan, maybe it’s best that you don’t ask the reader to contemplate what the phrase “from the neck up” might mean to such a being.

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Folks, sometimes you look at the day’s comics and … you just can’t think of much to say about them! In fact, sometimes the most you can muster is, like the title says: three sentences about three panels.

Dennis the Menace, 10/14/20

Dennis said a cuss!

The Lockhorns, 10/14/20

Leroy’s mechanic talks about his car like it’s a human body — and because this is The Lockhorns, it’s not in a sexy way, like you might expect.

Pluggers, 10/14/20

“This right here is a plugger chat room,” pluggers say smugly, apparently not realizing that no non-pluggers have used or even thought about “chat rooms” for more than a decade.

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Funky Winkerbean, 10/13/20

Those of us fated by the gods to read Funky Winkerbean daily just have to accept the fact that there was a brief window at the very beginning of the strip’s history when it was actually fun and wacky, and understand that character names like “Funky Winkerbean,” “Bull Bushka” (RIP), and “Les Moore” are relics from that earlier, zanier time, even though now we have to somehow deal with sentences like “Funky Winkerbean is slowly dying of prostate cancer” or “Bull Bushka had CTE and committed suicide by driving off a cliff.” But if you’re going to do grim-ass plots like “Adeela is going to be deported due to a bureaucratic mixup,” for the love of Christ do not introduce a brand new character with an on-the-nose punny name like “Amicus Breef.” Get it, because he’s a lawyer! Ha ha!

Pluggers, 10/13/20

I’m sorry this plugger subscribes to a sad newspaper that can’t even afford wire service stock photos of celebs for its celebrity birthday list, but I also sincerely believe that lots of pluggers everywhere are the last ones left making Borat voice “MY WIFE” jokes.