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Pluggers, 11/27/20

I’ve done a lot of “This is not what a plugger is, come on, man” yelling on this blog of late, so you’d be forgiven for thinking I might rant similarly here. But if you, like me, enjoy the Star Trek franchise enough to spend any amount of time interacting with its online fanbase, you know that there are large swaths of said fanbase who are very mad about any of the newer shows because they’re too “woke” and violate series canon and aren’t real Trek and the only thing those people more passionate about than that is arguing about which of the older shows are also not real Trek. So yes, I regret to inform you that plugger Trekkies are absolutely 100% a thing.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/27/20

As various pharmaceutical giants announce what look to be very effective coronavirus vaccines and we begin to glimpse the light at the end of the pandemic tunnel, we need to start looking back and assessing what happened over the past strange and sad year. And while it’s just a tiny little blip on the cultural landscape, I think we should take a moment to marvel at the fact that the only newspaper comic strip dedicated to medical drama took the biggest real-world medical story in the past hundred years and used it as grist for “Rex reacts grumpily to minor domestic irritations” material.

Mary Worth, 11/27/20

You think that’s going to impress Brandy, Tommy? A big pyramid of liquor bottles pointing triumphantly at the red star of communism? Brandy likes patriotic American boys, so better luck next time.

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Mark Trail, 11/23/20

You know, Allen-era Mark Trail already upgraded Rusty from “ward” to “son” so I was wondering if he’d be retconned into a biological child of Mark and Cherry under the new regime, but with all this talk of dark secrets and Mark’s cloned lineage, and now new-look biker dude Doc wondering how Rusty will think about their relationship going forward … well, I’m just going to assume they’re all clones, and now they’ll just address each other respectfully as “pod-mate”.

Beetle Bailey, 11/23/20

I’m assuming that “sex, drugs, and rock and roll” is in quotes here because Rocky’s just using it as a general stand-in for “I used to have fun and/or cool,” not because he’s had sex. Nobody in Beetle Bailey has ever had sex. Please, I desperately need to hold onto that notion to stay sane. NO SEX IN BEETLE BAILEY, I FORBID IT.

Dick Tracy, 11/23/20

This pair of criminal masterminds hasn’t exactly set the world on fire with their crime skills, so I think it’d be pretty fitting if Daisy slipped and fell back onto Yeti and they both fell into the sewer and drowned. Dick never spots anything on the drone cam, the meteorite goes unmolested, everyone just kind of moves on with their lives. “Hey, we ever figure out what was up with those people who fell into comas?” Chief Patton asks. “I don’t think so, chief,” says Dick. “I guess it was just one of those things.”

Funky Winkerbean, 11/23/20

If you, like me, find Harry Dinkle intensely unlikeable, I’m happy to inform you that he spends his nights writing in agony, thinking of his past failures.

Pluggers, 11/23/20

Damn it, pluggers. Do you … do you really think you’re the only ones who like ice cream. Come on. Come on now. Give us some pluggers-specific content in the Pluggers syndicated newspaper strip or give it the fuck up

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Shoe, 11/13/20

I’m honestly not exactly sure, but I’m assuming the punchline here is that the mayor is not, in fact, living the high life thanks to thrift and good financial planning? Usually when Shoe does a joke about a comically corrupt politician, the strip deploys Senator Batson Belfry, but since senators pull down six figures, I guess he wouldn’t really work for the joke. But look: do you really believe that Treetops, a town that isn’t exactly Hootin’ Holler but is definitely depicted as having seen better days, somehow has enough opportunities for graft that its mayor can “live like a multi-millionaire”? I mean, the Perfesser is at this official city government press conference sitting on a crate, and I assume he brought it in from home.

The Lockhorns, 11/13/20

It can be difficult to ascertain the full social context of any given scene in the Mostly Featureless Lockhorns Void, but it really seems like nobody else is as this “party” and that Leroy went to the trouble of getting party hats and a cake just to give Loretta this cruel card. I like that he’s stepped a few feet away from her as she reads it, to be sure that he’s fully out of her emotional penumbra as the message really hits home.

Anyway, what do you guys think is going on over at Pluggers? I’ve gotten over that whole chicken leg business, probably they aren’t dabbling in body horror anym–

Pluggers, 11/13/20

AAAHHH

AAAAAHHHH

AAAAAHHHHH

WHAT IS THAT

WHAT’s GOING ON

This can’t be right, right? This has to be some weird Pluggers man-animal chimera nightmare bullshit. I’m just gonna Google Image search “rhino teeth” and s–

JESUS CHRIST, this is even worse, what the fuck am I even looking at, that can’t be right, keep scrolling through the images, there has to b–

NOOO I HATE IT I HATE ALL OF IT WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING