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Mark Trail, 3/15/20

“We are here, and by ‘here’ I mean … somewhere in … a city, maybe? Definitely on a street corner of some kind. And there’s a crowd of people … nearby? … who may or may not have anything to do with whatever’s happening here right now. But the important thing is that we’ve brought in Mark Trail to talk about Tinseltown movie magic, and — get this — he put on a suit and tie to talk to us. And not a well-tailored suit, either! What a rube!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/15/20

I honestly can’t tell if Rex is trying to put a stop to the flirting, because it’s workplace-inappropriate and also leads to sex which is icky and gross, or if the thinks that his weird, obfuscative statement that doesn’t indicate who’s flirting with who somehow constitutes more flirting.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/15/20

Have you ever wondered if the sapient bird-women and -men if Mother Goose and Grimm live their lives in terror thinking about the very real possibility that they’ll be killed, dismembered, and served up to humans to eat at a popular fast food restaurant? Well, good (?) news!

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 7/12/20

Slylock isn’t panicking because he knows that, due to the square-cube law, you can’t simply make an animal bigger but keep its proportions and functions otherwise the same: its mass increases more quickly than its surface area, and the physics that allow its anatomy to work would simply fail in a much larger version of the creature. This poor monstrosity is no doubt dying in agony right now, its internal organs collapsing under their own weight! (If you’re wondering how Slylock being a human-sized fox fits in with all this, the answer is he’s actually normal fox sized and anything you see to the contrary is just Lord of the Rings-style forced perspective trickery.)

Dustin, 7/12/20

Dustin: come for the pointless intergenerational warfare, stay for an extremely unpleasant new euphemism for genitals!

Hagar the Horrible, 7/12/20

Another victory of the working class over the bosses who would divide them! War is a racket, kids!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/12/20

The greatest love story every written keeps getting more romantic, everybody

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Daddy Daze, 7/8/20

Not that there’s much competition, but Daddy Daze Daddy’s Goth Pal is far and away my favorite recurring Daddy Daze character. Like, Daddy Daze Daddy (he has a name, but my brain refuses to retain it and honestly I respect that) has been driven into some kind tight-wound gleeful mania by the pressures of single parenthood, but Goth Pal is always looking on the darkest side of life possible, like he is today, when he mournfully announces that those who have chosen to reproduce are carefully nurturing their own destruction. It’s been foretold in prophecy, but like Cronus in Greek myth, we cannot avoid our fate, no matter how hard we try.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/8/20

Hey, remember how Rex was telling the story about how he and June met to Sarah but he was telling it all boring so June seized control of the narrative? Well, now the plot has moved to a place where June wasn’t even there to see it happen but, uh, we’re just moving forward anyway. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that I’m more heavily invested in the layered narrative structure of a syndicated soap opera comic strip plot than anyone involved in the actual production of said comic strip, but I’m still pretty mad about it.