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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/26/20

Guys, I think our favorite medical-themed soap opera strip is going to start talking about the one medical problem that everyone’s got on their mind these days? Nobody’s said “COVID” or “coronavirus” yet but Truck’s talking about staying with his brother “for the duration” and he won’t be playing clubs for a while, so I think the Morganverse is finally going to catch up with us! Anyway, Buck, tech support for the downtrodden, is going to set up some kind of streaming concert for Truck on Twitch or Instagram Live or something, which honestly sounds pretty sad, not at all like the Zoom comedy show I’m doing next week, which will be fun and cool and good.

Mary Worth, 5/26/20

Fortunately for the Dawns of this world, Mary Worth, the comic strip, very much does not turn on a dime. Did you think this Dawn/Jared plotline was basically over two weeks ago when Dawn told Jared she wouldn’t be dumping him? Turns out nope! Turns out Dawn’s gonna process it all and there’s no end in sight!

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Mark Trail, 5/20/20

Wow, Geoff really is working his way up Maslow’s hierarchy for Kevin, isn’t he? He’s managed to see to Kevin’s safety needs (preventing him from being burned to death in a forest fire) and physiological needs (getting him with a family who will feed and house him). When will Kevin experience belongingness, esteem, and emotional self-actualization? (Trick question: nobody in Mark Trail has any handle on what an “emotion” is or how to deal with experiencing them, other than punching.)

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/20/20

“Hmm, you’re saying I should … care about the opinons of women over the age of 21? That’s seems crazy. I’ve never done it before … but what do I have to lose, at this point?”

Gil Thorp, 5/20/20

“Look, see this sunset, or possibly sunrise? It symbolizes your new day dawning, or maybe the end of your time at Milford, depending on which one it is, but the important thing is that once you submit to your new and totally unfair fate, you’re not my problem anymore, so why don’t you get on that? The sooner the better.”

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Hi and Lois, 5/19/20

Sure, Amazon has cut out the middelman between publishers and readers, turning books into a low-cost mass commodity, but there’s still a space for true aficionados to browse carefully curated collections of fine novels, like [squints] John Grisham’s latest legal thriller, Camino Winds! Only the personal touch of a true bibliophile can connect you with that sort of enriching literature!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/19/20

Hmm, Truck looks a little dubious about this offer, doesn’t he? He knows that most of his fans are middle-aged dudes in loud print shirts who obsess over the distinctions between similar musical genres like Buck. Do we really want them gathering together, in “clubs,” and starting to realize their power and numbers? Sure, it would help Truck financially … but at what cost?

The Lockhorns, 5/19/20

Good news, everybody! The Lockhorns are getting divorced!