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Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/23/17

Oh yeah, right, the artist of those smutty comic books Rex found under his floorboards, for whom Buck is serving as an agent, is real real old! I certainly hope Buck is running a Weekend At Bernie’s-style scam for this book tour, and that whopper of a check he just handed Rex was a bribe to make sure that the good doctor certifies Hank Sr. as “just resting his eyelids.”

Mary Worth, 1/23/17

Wouldn’t it be great if this conversation just kept going on with misunderstandings that make Zak feel like Iris condescending to him as a young person?

“Heh heh … no, Zak, I was just quoting Bogie!”

“Bogie? Isn’t that a golf term? You’re making fun of me because I don’t play golf, like some guy your age would?”

“No, he’s a film actor…”

“Oh, you like films, huh? I suppose I can’t appreciate that because I’m too young to remember a day before movies were shot digitally, and also I can’t sit still in a theater for two hours without looking at my phone?”

“No, Zak, the movie’s called Casablanca…”

“In Morocco? You know I haven’t travelled to Africa! I’m not worldly the way … the way Wilbur is!” [sobs]

Dennis the Menace, 1/23/17

Dennis plans to opt out of the entire economic structure of our society. Menace level: very high.

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Slylock Fox, 1/21/17

These three scenes may look similar, but there’s one crucial difference. In numbers one and three, this snowman is merely a crude simulacrum of a man, the destruction of which is traumatizing not even to the children who fashioned it — even the birds and bunnies can tell this isn’t a real living thing. In number two, however, that’s a magic hat, which bestows the gift of sapience upon the wearer — but, crucially, does not fundamentally alter the snowman’s physical nature. The fully-formed mind called out of nonexistence by that enchanted haberdashery is now trapped, and silently screaming, in this unstable, dissolving shell.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/21/17

Haha, whoops, I had forgotten that Buck was the broker selling those smutty comic books Rex found under the floorboards in his attic. The characters in Judge Parker have experienced nothing but disaster and madness since longtime writer Woody Wilson handed over his strips to his successors, but in Rex Morgan, M.D., the Wilsonian tradition of the main characters occasionally being handed enormous checks due to no particular hard work or virtue on their part remains in full effect.

Gil Thorp, 1/21/17

Guys, have we considered that maybe he just kind of sucks? I think we should!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/19/17

Hey, remember Buck? No, not the sexy, homeless archaeology grad student who was camping out on the Morgans’ property so he could investigate some ancient war crime; no, I mean Rex’s old pal whose wife tried to murder him with a nail gun and then later it turned out said wife was Rex’s ex-girlfriend from high school and it seems I didn’t cover the end of this storyline so I’m not sure how it all worked out? I think Buck broke up with his wife, though! But based on his set role as the strip’s sad sack, I’m going to assume that he’s gotten himself deep into some depressing ponzi scheme and he’s trying to pull Rex in as well. Haha, look at Rex’s eye’s glazing over and soon as Buck starts his pitch!

Spider-Man, 1/19/17

Welp, Rocket’s only been on our planet for a few hours, but he’s already well acclimated to the Spidey Way Of Heroism, i.e., doing a half-assed job for a little bit and then dozing off. It’s also worth noting that Rocket was originally wearing an adorable little outfit and now he’s … stark naked? I guess a naked raccoon shouldn’t be disturbing but when you’re established as wearing clothes even if you’re a species that doesn’t normally wear clothes, once you take off your clothes you’re naked, that’s the rule. The fact that Peter and MJ are fully dressed isn’t helping.

Gasoline Alley, 1/19/17

Meanwhile, Gertie continues to test the waters to figure out when Walt will finally be senile enough that he’ll voluntarily drink Drāno.