Archive: Rex Morgan, M.D.

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Mark Trail, 6/19/15

It looks like this Mark Trail plot is finally swinging into gear, and our guest stars will be a couple of mismatched lovers! Ken and Kelly both get great satisfaction out of spending time with animals. Kelly likes finding adorable, helpless orphaned squirrels and raising them until they’re strong and healthy enough to survive on their own; Ken loves to go find sharks out in the water and kill them in the frenzy of blood-lust than can only come by doing battle with nature’s most perfect predator. The emotions they get out of these experiences are mostly the same.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/19/15

Kelly may be concerned that she’ll get in trouble for letting Sarah see nudity, based on the Morgans’ well-known anti-sex attitudes, but she needn’t worry: Rex and June are letting their daughter work in a museum that’s lousy with nakedness, proving that there’s a nude statue loophole in place here.

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Heathcliff, 6/15/15

If there’s one thing that distinguishes Heathcliff from another, more famous/relentlessly marketed orange comics cat, it’s his inability to produce recognizable language, even in thought balloon form. We as readers are not privy to whatever thoughts are going through his head; and to communicate with the fellow denizens of the Heathcliffverse, he must resort to crude, one-word messages written on helmets or flags. But now, at long last, Heathcliff’s latest project is coming to fruition: he’s mastered human speech, repurposing various parts of his digestive system to approximate the sounds. He’s already gotten to the end of the alphabet, so Heathcliff’s Owner-Grandpa’s attempt to put a stop to the madness will come far too late. After “Z”, Heathcliff will start issuing orders, and they will be terrifying.

The Lockhorns, 6/15/15

Congratulations, The Lockhorns, for finally producing a panel that can surpass Rhino-Man Hocks His TV for sheer horrifying depression! I’m kind of sorry we aren’t going to get to actually see Leroy awkwardly trying to remove his own fillings with a pair of pliers in this seedy cash-for-gold outlet’s parking lot, mostly because I’d like to watch Loretta’s facial expression of ennui mingled with contempt remain unchanged throughout all the screaming and the blood.

Family Circus, 6/15/15

Dolly forges ahead to some unknown destination, leaving Ruthie behind, lying on the floor in visible agony from her tumble from the wagon. Ruthless indeed, and only Billy (7) can see the true cold-hearted sociopath beneath his sister’s treacle-sweet exterior.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/15/15

Today’s Rex Morgan, M.D., doesn’t confirm the theory that “Sarah” is a 42-year-old little person pretending to be a child for inscrutable reasons of her own, with Kelly in on the game but eager to humiliate her at any opportunity, but it doesn’t exactly rule it out, either.

Mark Trail, 6/15/15

OH NO

THE DAY IS HERE

THE DAY FORETOLD IN PROPHECY

THE DAY THE CEPHALAPODS EMERGE FROM THE SEA TO DESTROY US

HUG YOUR LOVED ONES TIGHT AND PRAY FOR A SWIFT AND MERCIFUL DEATH

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Mark Trail, 6/9/15

Rusty isn’t just a hideous boy-thing that the Trails took in because nobody else would let him live inside; he’s also a constant danger magnet who needs to be rescued on the regular! You’ll remember, of course, the time he got stuck under a car, which led to Mark sacrificing his moral code and punching a cop in the face. Today’s drama plays out much more quickly: not only is Rusty endangered not by some human-made machine but by Mark’s beloved nature, but it’s Mark who ends up unconscious and concussed at the end of it. Will Rusty have to find hitherto unseen reserves of strength and drag Mark to safety? Will he allow Mark to die and just forlornly stare at Mark’s corpse until he gets hungry, and then start eating it? Either way, I think the real lesson here is that this lake is surrounded by rotting trees that just fall over when you barely look at them, so maybe there needs to be a local beaver population to clear out the literal dead wood.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/9/15

“I mean, my daughter is an actual apprentice art forger for the mob, so what’s a little light counterfeiting between friends? Anyway, take care of it, but don’t feel a need to let me in on the details. Remember, I can’t testify about anything I don’t know about!”

Dennis the Menace, 6/9/15

Dennis embraces the dystopian future where human offspring are grown in vats and, once weaned from their wire mothers, delivered by flying robots to their assigned workstations, A+ menacing.