Post Content

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/1/23

I like how Rex and June are talking fairly seriously about Rene, a longtime criminal whose various cons have bedeviled them for years, and Rex suddenly thinks to himself, “Hmm, how long has it been since I’ve done a big overwrought theatrical pantomime bit where I show how much smarter I am than all the rubes I have such contempt for? It’s been a while, right? Not exactly matching the tone of this conversation so far but might as well get to it.”

Pluggers, 12/1/23

Pluggers don’t believe in “metaphors.” Why would you say a word when you actually mean a different word entirely? Sounds like something a big city elitist would do and then make fun of you for not understanding. To a plugger, “eye candy” is just candy that you look at, with your eyes. (It’s not candy made of eyes; that would be gross, like something a big city elitist would order in a restaurant and then make fun of you for not liking.)

Post Content

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/25/23

Well, the Harwoods are going to feel pretty foolish when they learn that it wasn’t Rene’s high-powered lawyers that got him sprung out of jail. The cynical answer isn’t always the correct one, guys! Now, it is true in fact he’s free because he’s using the Mirakle Method to build an army of hypnotized disciples, some of whom are in highly placed positions of power, who will follow his every whim, but I say we should wait a bit to see how that plays out before we get too worried about it.

The Lockhorns, 11/25/23

This is the sort of statment that you would expect someone to deliver with a wistful sigh, and what makes Leroy Leroy and makes the Lockhorns great is that instead he’s just seething. Stupid highway full of assholes. Stupid Robert Frost and his stupid poetry, planted in the lyric and narrative traditions while pointing the way towards modernism! Screw him! Two roads diverged in a yellow wood my ass.

Beetle Bailey, 11/25/23

Some people will tell you that America’s military budget is hopeless bloated. But I for one would be willing to pay higher taxes if it means that our brave soldiers could have decent internet access so they could access high-quality streaming pornography and didn’t have to jerk off to annotated romance novels. I just respect the troops that much.

Post Content

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/22/23

Well, well, well, it looks like what’s increasingly obviously Buzzy and Rene’s co-grift is coming along nicely, with Rene being sprung from jail by his fancy lawyer so he can do more crimes. Too bad the Harwoods couldn’t afford a lawyer who could keep this notorious criminal behind bars! Also, too bad Congress passed the I’ve Got Mine Act, under which all public criminal prosecution for offenses up to and including attempted murder were eliminated as “not cost effective” and now victims need to hire their own attorneys, as all disputes are hashed out in civil courts. (The I’ve Got Mine Act was passed after heavy lobbying from Rex Morgan, who has his and frankly thinks less of you if you don’t have yours.)

Dennis the Menace, 11/22/23

Man, I don’t know if you can ever be called a “menace” if you’re so dumb that someone has to point at a giant picture of a turkey and say “This is called Thanksgiving, Dennis. That’s a turkey. Turkey. No, that’s a picture you, can’t eat it.” Anyway, to answer your questions, Dennis, the turkey can’t stay awake because it’s dead. You have to kill it well before you put it in the oven.