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The Phantom, 11/30/14

Give the present-day iteration of the Phantom some credit: for a superhero adventure comic, it actually tries to do a decent job of depicting post-colonial Africa, with Bangalla a kind of idealized South Africa, black-ruled but with a sizable white minority and a diverse array of indigenous ethnic groups, all living more or less in harmony. Still, the core conceit still carries a lot of uncomfortable colonial racial baggage from the strip’s 1930s origin: the hero protecting this African land is a white man — and, more to the point, the 21st in a series of white men who, despite living in Africa since the 1500s, have all apparently voyaged elsewhere to find wives, so as to continue to produce blonde-haired, blue-eyed progeny. Anyway, this coming Sunday Phantom adventure will take our hero and his kids to … Iceland! A country so homogeneously Nordic that it’s a genetic case study! Presumably Kit is just teasing his children with the prospect of adventure, when in fact they’re going to be assigned their future Norse spouses, in accordance with Phantom Law.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/30/14

Rex Morgan, M.D., became Sarah Morgan Uses Her Special Mind Powers To Become The All-Ruling God-Empress Of Earth And Destroyer Of Men so gradually that most people didn’t notice, but in retrospect this strip was seen as an important signal of the coming transition.

Spider-Man, 11/30/14

Peter ignores his wife as she engages in something that interests her, makes a clumsy request for sex, then glumly reflects that showing the bare minimum of emotional support a spouse ought to be able to expect might result in his literal death. Every time I think we’ve hit Peak Newspaper Spider-Man, I am pleasantly surprised anew.

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Hi and Lois, 11/26/14

Ha ha, it’s funny because Trixie is just a baby but she’s already terribly depressed!

Six Chix, 11/26/14

Ha ha, it’s funny because death is inevitable for all of us, and every person born is a future corpse!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/26/14

Ha ha, it’s funny because Rex is about to just got to town on that sandwich. Like, sure, they’ve been having a good talk about his daughter, who is the ostensible reason that he came here and all, but now it’s sandwich time and he won’t be able to speak or hear while he’s engaging in sandwich-consumption activities. Anyway, I’m very much looking forward to my next lunch or dinner meeting, where I’m going to talk for a few minutes, then say “Excuse me, I’m going in!” and just make loud, ecstatic chewing noises for the next half hour. If the other person tries to say anything, I’ll just chew-moan louder.

Gil Thorp, 11/26/14

Oh look, the Mudlarks are actually doing well this year and won a postseason game and wait a minute why did Gil say “playoffs” post-season games in this strip are called “playdowns” and always have been God damn it this ISN’T FUNNY AT ALL

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/25/14

Oh, say, what’s been going on in Rex Morgan, M.D., Well, Rex has a meeting in a converted Prohibition-era booze stash-warehouse with a art forger in the employ of a mob widow to discuss his five-year-old daughter’s lucrative career, and they’re eating pastrami sandwiches off of silver serving trays, in a scenario that I’m not making up even a little bit. Anyway, I am very much enjoying how our ethically shady art teacher is framing Sarah’s skills. “Look, she’s pretty good at painting, but the key thing is that she’s very competitive. She doesn’t like it when people are better than her. Or speak ill of her, in even the mildest way. Those people will be either defeated or destroyed. Enjoy this life while you can.”

Mark Trail, 11/25/14

Oh ho, you like to read Mark Trail “for the articles,” eh, sinister chemical company owner? Maybe you’ll sing a different tune when you find out Mark has taken his shirt off to talk to you! Seriously, guys, I honestly have no idea how to deal with New Sexy Mark Trail, please send help.