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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/31/23

OK, I actually can’t decide now if this is supposed to be Mud being canny or if this app was made by Rene, who got Mud to sign something that gave him the rights to all musical output produced by Mud’s “Fergus” persona, a contract he naively thinks he can somehow enforce in court while he’s currently on the lam for attempted murder. If it’s the former, though, I can see why Buck might be upset, since he dumped (ha ha, get it) Mud as a client due to the pants-shitting incident and now isn’t entitled to a cut of that sweet, sweet app subscription money.

Slylock Fox, 7/31/23

Look, man, do you want to turn kids into communists? Because that’s what you’re going to do when your “Comics for Kids” feature has strips where the state dedicates valuable ratiocination resources to protecting people with yachts and solid gold chess sets from little guys in tiny boats. Sure, Shady is technically in the wrong, but why is it that we’re less than a generation into the Glorious Animal Regime and there’s already such a huge disparity in wealth, hmm?

Dustin, 7/31/23

Being a mom and wife to these two guys in particular is definitely the toughest job in the world.

Mary Worth, 7/31/23

From the producers of THE MUFFENING comes a new dimension in horror: NIGHT OF THE BANANA COOKIES

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/30/23

Welp, it seems that, now that he’s unshackled from his scam artist guru, our boy Mud Mountain Murphy is going all out to license his brand across multiple platforms to reach key demographics! Little kids simply can’t get enough of roots country, is what I’ve heard, and also like hearing the same song over and over again, just like Mud’s adult fans do, so a tablet app is great for that, assuming it charges a $4.99/month subscription that’s impossible to get off your credit card. Kids love the bit where he pretends to shit himself too, of course, but that’s bonus content that costs extra.

Hagar the Horrible, 7/30/23

Wow, Hagar the Horrible is doing a strip about a problematic age gap! I guess the comics really have gone woke.

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Gil Thorp, 7/26/23

Oh, wow, when I called for a wacky summer storyline, I didn’t expect a dystopian plot where a flamboyantly dressed warden named “Reno Harwood” forces criminal-teens to battle it out in his JailDome, with quadrocopter drone cameras streaming the whole thing out for the entertainment of bloodthirsty Twitch viewers everywhere. Marty Moon will enthusiastically do the play by play, and the stakes are high: the winners will earn their freedom, while the losers are condemned to death. Unfortunately, Gil’s decision to prepare his team for an indoor game by making them practice in the pouring rain may prove counterproductive.

Bizarro, 7/26/23

Like Mickey Mouse, Ronald McDonald is theoretically the most important character in his weird little world but is also the most boring one; why would you spend time thinking about this vaguely off-putting clown when you could be following the adventures of the mayor with a cheeseburger for a head, or a criminal who steals burgers, or a bird who is also Amelia Earhart, or whatever the hell Grimace is? But from now on I’ll spending a lot of energy contemplating Ronald McDonald — specifically, wondering if his partner is a hamurger or if he has latent hamburger DNA or if his partner is a normal human woman who gave birth to a hamburger and just started screaming and screaming while the doctor came out and told Ronald and he was just like “Heh heh, exactly as I expected.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/26/23

“You also keep sending us your bill, and we keep telling you that just because you commandeered one of our rooms and did surgery in it without asking anyone about it doesn’t mean we owe you money.”