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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/2/23

Oh, fine, I guess Buzzy and Mud aren’t boxing Rene out of the profits from his own brainwashing scam, or are at least using a stock photo of him as part of the sales pitch. You can’t profit off your crimes, but nothing about the Mirakle Method itself was criminal: it’s not illegal to transform someone’s personality to the extent that he refuses to perform “Muddy Boots” for a theater full of roots country maniacs, though that may change if the bipartisan Play The Hits Act finally passes through Congress this year.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/2/23

Speaking of criminality, it’s always important to remember that Snuffy has done some really nasty stuff, things that would result in nationwide calls for his immediate arrest and execution if they were ever known to the public.

Mary Worth, 11/2/23

“Why was may attempt to conquer and occupy these women with deadly force repulsed? Was there a problem with our tactical execution? Were the strategies handed down from the officer corps inadequate? Or have I once again been betrayed by the politicians in Washington who aren’t fully committed to the mission?”

Hi and Lois, 11/2/23

Oh, is your kid’s little darndest-thing-saying making you world-weary there, Hi? Maybe you should do some self-reflection about why he’s more familiar with a slot machine than a bank.

Marvin, 11/2/23

I’m sure literally nobody out there has been wondering how Marvin’s grandfather’s friend’s marriage is going, but I’m here to tell you anyway: It’s not going well! It’s not going well at all.

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Crock, 10/27/23

If, like me, you have constructed a professional life that requires you to read the syndicated newspaper comic strip Crock every day, you need to learn how to “make your own fun.” For instance, despite my usual attempts on this blog to humorously link Crock with the actual history of French colonialism in North Africa, I generally “hear” the dialogue in my mind in standard English. But what if these guys have been speaking in comical French accents this whole time? What if Crock pronounces the improbable name of the new man in the “computer section” as “vee roos”? That would definitely be funny, right? Or at least funnier than whatever else is going on here? Please, I need this.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/27/23

“Say,” the average Rex Morgan, M.D., reader is thinking to themselves, “now that this whole Rene storyline appears to be wrapping up, I’m left with a question: should I care about it, or about Rene as a person and motivator for events?” Here’s one Rex Morgan, M.D., character to give you the answer: no.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/24/23

We do know how to cure it, Rex! The cure is called the Mirakle Method, and it broke Rene’s will and convinced him to give up his life of crime and turn himself in to the authorities almost instantly! You just watched the news segment where they talked about it on TV and everything. Rex should go to the local prison and visit that guy who kidnapped criminals and then begged Rex to operate on their brains, to give him the good news.

Marvin, 10/24/23

One of my personal hobby horses is that “a fire hydrant is like a toilet, to a dog” jokes in the comics have become further and further untethered from the underlying reality that dogs will just piss on any vertical surface in general and fire hydrants are often the best case scenario when walking a dog in through a neighborhood when the other options are houses, cars, and trees. Often my response is “have any of these people ever actually seen a dog piss on a fire hydrant?”, and today’s strip reveals that for the Marvin creative team, the answer is clearly no, and the version of the process that they’re visualizing is deeply disturbing.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/24/23

Look, I’m sorry, I know that, in times of increased political and social tensions, legacy newspaper characters occasionally urge us all, in a folksy and extremely nonspecific manner, to get along, but this is Snuffy Smith we’re talking about. He’s involved in a violent feud with the Barlow clan that’s lasted so many generations that nobody can even remember its origins anymore! He’s not the guy to deliver this message.

Hi and Lois, 10/24/23

Yes, that certainly is how caffeine addiction works! You know, some people say that comic strips should have “punchlines,” but I think that’s a bourgeois affectation.