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Shoe, 10/20/12

I have no information one way or another as to whether the art and writing in Shoe are done by different people who barely speak to each other, but it sure would explain a lot about this cartoon, in which a mild joke one step removed from the classic “seafood diet” gag is paired with a scene of spectacular gloom. “If you’re ‘watching’ what you eat, I guess we’ll need to schedule an eye exam, because you seem to be eating pretty poorly! Hahahaha! Get it, it’s a play on words! So, anyway, like I said earlier, you’re dying of colon cancer.”

Herb and Jamaal, 10/20/12

“Uh … hello, Michelle, this is Jamaal — I was wondering if you’d be interested in going on a date with me. Could you say that again? This comic has four panels so we need to pad things out a bit. Yeah, we could redraw them, but that’d be tons more work than it’s worth.”

Dennis the Menace, 10/20/12

“Yep, ‘prone to over-the-top, irrational violence when frustrated over trivial matters,’ that’s what they say about the Mitchell boys!”

Family Circus, 10/20/12

Billy has come to the conclusion that the only way out of the hellscape of institutionalized education is suicide.

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Mark Trail, 10/5/12

Sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date on Mark Trail, in which a heavily armed Cherry resolved the whole Rusty-napping situation without Mark ever needing to show up! Given the level of real danger that was involved with Rusty being kidnapped by criminals and threatened with death, I’m a bit puzzled as to what “exaggeration” she thinks Rusty will resort to in recounting the story to Mark. “Mark, I saw these men killing sheep from a plane, and then they kidnapped me, and they were going to turn me into a sheep and then shoot me from a plane, so they taught me sheep language, but I summoned all the other sheep, who ate the men! Plus there were aliens!”

Family Circus, 10/5/12

The Billy (age 7) Family Circuses are usually mostly interesting to me because of the layers of family-narrative artifice involved (Jeff Keane continuing his father’s tradition of pretending to draw as his brother), but today’s family psychodrama is much more straightforward: remember, if you don’t like your mother, your kids will notice.

Spider-Man, 10/5/12

Looks like all’s well that’s ended will in Spider-Man! And now you get to contemplate whether you’d rather make sex to a snake or a spider, yuck.

Shoe, 10/5/12

Ha ha, it’s funny because Shoe is emotionally dead, unable to feel either joy or pain!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/5/12

Meanwhile, in Rex Morgan, the thingy came off and there’s water everywhere and June is pissed.

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Shoe, 10/4/12

OK, fine, you’ve come up with a joke where someone is handed a plate of smoldering food and retorts “Who taught you to cook, [someone with ‘smoke’ in their name or nickname, because this meal is spewing smoke]?” I mean, not fine, actually, because that joke isn’t funny in any meaningful sense, but it’s not actively offensive or anything — until you decide that the smoke-named character that you’ll drop in for the punchline will be one specifically created to urge people not to cause fires. Smokey the Bear would never have allowed this tragedy to happen! He would have counseled Roz to pay careful attention to her oven to make sure her food didn’t burst into flames! Here, here are some other Smokeys that wouldn’t have undermined the joke: Smokey Robinson, Smokey Stover, Smokey and the Bandit. Smokey the Bear, come on, are you kidding me.

Momma, 10/4/12

Say what you will about Francis, but he’s always an optimist! Notice how he’s reaching out for his $40 with both arms extended. This would be unnecessary if his mother were just going to give him a couple of twenties, but maybe he’s imagining that she’ll be handing over an oversized novelty check, or a burlap sack full of nickels with a big dollar sign on the side. You know, just for fun!

Apartment 3-G, 10/4/12

“I hadn’t made plans to go with anyone, but bought two tickets because I don’t like to leave my jacket at the coat check — they expect tips, the greedy little bastards. But if I leave my coat on top of you during the show, it’ll be warm when I put it back on again! It’s settled, Evan, you’re coming with me. You’ll refrain from speaking to me directly, of course.”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/4/12

Cindy’s new boyfriend’s sexual prowess is not of the advertised quality.