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Marvin, 12/7/23

Man, if you’re embarrassed about people (and dogs?) seeing the picture of you in the hat why are you … wearing the hat outside where all these other dogs can see you? I feel like this week’s Marvin is really getting into something very heady about the sign and the signified and I am not high enough to follow it.

Shoe, 12/7/23

I appreciate the fact that today’s Shoe goes out of its way to make sure we know these guys are drinking and emotionally opening up to one another right next to the bathroom. Not sure if we’re supposed to think of them as old dudes with bladder control problems or birds with cloacae, but either way they conveniently have only a few steps to cover when nature calls.

Blondie, 12/7/23

Dagwood isn’t upset that Elmo used the newfangled word “influencer”; it’s just that he can’t realistically have been born before about 1969 and is very mad Elmo thinks Bob Hope and Bing Crosby are from “his day”.

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Six Chix, 11/18/23

One of my all-time favorite activities is to bring a book to a restaurant I really like and enjoy a meal by myself. There’s something about the combination of feeling peacefully alone but also in public with others that’s really great. And, much as I treasure holiday meals with my family, there are some years where the stress of travel makes me dreamily imagine a more solitary Thanksgiving. Which is all to say that I hold no ill will against this woman and totally endorse her holiday plans. But ma’am, you have to admit that your behavior is somewhat out of the ordinary! I don’t think telling the restaurant staff that you’re bringing home leftovers in a doggie bag — for your cat! [record scratch] — is going to faze them at all or make them think less of you. Just lean into it!

Shoe, 11/18/23

Nice try, Shoe. You think I’m going to be so hung up on how nonsensical this punchline is that I’m going to be deterred from my mission of making sure everyone remembers that the Shoe characters are birds, and one of the most important things about birds is that they don’t have lips? Well I won’t be deterred, you hear me? I’m mad about it! So’s Roz! Look how mad she is! As well she should be!

Hi and Lois, 11/18/23

November 1: “Ha ha, my Uncle Beetle is in the Army with a whole bunch of crazy characters!”

November 18: “My poor Uncle Beetle is in the Army and subject to constant physical abuse from his superior officers. Sorry to be such a downer, but it’s so disturbing to me that it’s all I can think about.”

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Six Chix, 10/23/23

This is at least the second time that Six Chix has done a “ha ha, what if vampires got the blood they need to survive in very chill and non-scary ways” joke, and I’m going to go on the record as not really caring for it. Vampires are dangerous monsters who God has turned His back on, and they use their sexy charisma to lure us into complacency so they can violently drink our blood! The best case scenario for a vampire victime is a painful death, but it’s also possible that they can Turn you into one of them, another damned soul haunting the night and burning with a thirst that can never be truly slaked. If they can just order vials of blood on GrubHub or whatever it’s not fun anymore, and doing this joke so close to Halloween is frankly offensive.

Crock, 10/23/23

Speaking of the eternal torment of the undead, one of my least favorite running “jokes” in Crock is that there’s a live, talking chicken who is constantly being boiled in the fort’s stewpot, always suffering and never dying. This is a pretty baroque and grim bit for a newspaper comic strip; but don’t worry, deploying it doesn’t keep the Crock from its extreme shambolic laziness, as you’ll note that the chicken’s cook/torturer just kind of vanishes between panels one and two; changing the composition to accommodate all three figures would’ve simply been too taxing.

Shoe, 10/23/23

I love the Perfesser’s date’s heavy eyelids of ennui throughout this exchange. She has a truly odd and specific job, and when she first started out in the business, she thought of a fun little joke about it, but it’s been years now and even though she still feels obliged to trot it out … it just doesn’t hit like it used to, you know? She’s tired, you guys, she’s so tired.

Hi and Lois, 10/23/23

Is It Fun To Joke About Our Teen Son Being Horny? Opinions Differ!