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Herb and Jamaal, Shoe, and Six Chix, 8/15/07

Oh, hey, everybody! Did you hear that it’s iPhone day in the syndicated funny pages? No? Well, fortunately, these three team players did. Yes, there’s nothing that will help make the comics relevant to young people like jokes about a hot piece of electronic gear that was released to great fanfare and media hype eight and a half weeks ago. Actually, that’s close enough to what I imagine the comics lead time to be that it makes me think that someone got a look at gadget-hungry types waiting camped out in the streets outside Apple Stores and thought “comedy gold!” And thank goodness we’ve finally got to see the results.

Herb and Jamaal has worked its cutting-edge cell phone joke into a storyline involving a hip young priest who’s been sent to clear out the clerical deadwood from the diocese of wherever the hell it is that Herb and Jamaal takes place. This might be interesting, except that nothing that ever happens in this strip is remotely interesting, so this won’t be interesting either. I like the way that “hip” is signified by the earring and the indoors sunglasses — he’s like Herb and Jamaal’s Coach Kaz! Though with less propensity for violence, hopefully. The strip is pandering to the newspaper comics’ core audience of angry old people by making this fellow as unlikable as possible; presumably he’ll be shuffled off to another diocese in disgrace soon enough, once the altar boys start complaining.

Shoe, meanwhile, manages to make no sense at all in its particulars, though it does manage to reflect the higher truth of its characters’ well-established personalities, since the Perfesser is well known for his food addiction. Six Chix thinks that the “a seashell is like a cell phone” joke somehow becomes funny when transformed into an “a seashell is like a particular, much-hyped kind of cell phone that was recently released” joke. For the record, it doesn’t.

B.C., 8/15/07

Just in case anyone’s wondering, the new, post-Johnny Hart’s death, assembled-from-existing-drawings B.C. is terrible. I’ve never been a huge fan of the feature, and I sort of have been waiting for the new team to find its bearings, but it’s kind of shocking how much worse it’s become. Today’s strip practically boggles my attempts to enumerate criticisms of it; I’ll start with the weird, mangled look of the figures in panel one (is this what happens when the new team deviates from pre-drawn templates?), the actively crude looking baseball and blimp, and the bizarre orthographic choice to end “Lookie, the blimp” with a period rather than an exclamation point. The saddest thing, as I’ve noted before, is that zombie B.C. is occupying space in hundreds of papers that could be used by someone trying to break into the comics business, or, failing that, by a nice ad for an auto dealership that would help the newspaper afford to buy more comics, or pay its copy editors.

Mark Trail, 8/15/07

Check out where Andy’s paw is going in panel three! Ha ha, Cherry, you’ve been rude-synonym-for-vagina-blocked! She knew that her one chance to have relations with her husband for the fifth time since their wedding was to hop on him the moment he got out of the car, while he was still disoriented; fortunately, Mark’s trained his faithful St. Bernard well to save him from the unpleasantness of physical love. Looks like Cherry’s got another night of furious masturbation in store while Mark blathers on about duck innards to her father!

The Lockhorns, 8/15/07

Actually, “Leroy” is French for … oh, you know what, just forget it.

Oh! And! Faithful reader Flipper earned that virtual penny and more with this utterly amazing Mark Trail squirrel montage. Are you ready to have your mind blown?

Also, faithful reader loudfan shares this evidence that Spider-Man is whoring himself out for the postal service. Thrill as he runs errands for Aunt May! Gasp as he surfs the Internet! Boggle as he puts a cold compress over his eyes, for some reason!

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Shoe, 8/12/07

Sunday’s Shoe is the latest in an occasional series I like to call “Jokes that hint distastefully at the Perfesser’s sex life.” The throwaway panel features a pointless statement about “eyes being well-rested” (one usually only talks about resting one’s eyes if one is a late-middle-aged uncle claiming not to be napping) that only serves to set up a punchline making hay from the Perfesser’s tendency to ogle women so blatantly that it makes them uncomfortable. Later, we get an extended riff that hints broadly at impotence, always a non-stop laugh riot, and then goes further by drawing a connection between the ability to achieve an erection and the ability to sit passively on the couch and receive hundreds of channels of mind-numbing, lowest-common-denominator entertainment. At least panel four can be enjoyed on its own because it looks looks like the Perfesser is contemplating jumping to his death.

Hi and Lois, 8/12/07

Gosh, Lois, those are good questions! Why is it that when it comes to this vacation, all the “good” parts for your kids involved “suffering” or “pain” or “humiliation”? Or “all of the above”? What would make them “enjoy” those sorts of experiences? Let’s ask someone who might have an “idea” about that:

Ouch, the truth hurts! Which is just how the Flagston kids like it.

Finally, Sunday’s Crock’s throwaway panel tells you pretty much all you need to know about the strip’s politics:

Equal rights, you say? Oh..oh indeed!

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Mark Trail, 8/4/07

Who says Mark Trail isn’t good at depicting human beings? In most hugs I’ve participated in, Person A throws his or her arms completely around Person B, tightly pinning Person B’s arms to his or her torso while he or she stands there, ramrod-straight, grinning somewhat uncomfortably. It’s a joy to behold such human closeness!

Shoe, 8/4/07

Shoe takes a break from its recent obsession with death and regret and death to offer something a little lighter: old drunks with diarrhea.

Pluggers, 8/4/07

Pluggers are desperate substance addicts. If they haven’t had their junk, they’re angry and prone to ugly bouts of violence.

Speaking of Pluggers, faithful reader (and actual math professor) TurtleBoy did some epic number crunching to try to distill out some useful facts on the demographics of Pluggers and TDIET contributors. Will it be enough to get him tenure? Check it out!