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Gasoline Alley, 2/12/24

Good (?) news, everybody: Slim didn’t freeze to death in his car, and it turns out that the supposed “love note” his wife found was from his granddaughter, so everything’s fine! Or … is it? The newspaper and TV are telling them something unbelievable. Probably something about how the martyred Abraham Lincoln’s memory is being used to promote a sale on sofa beds or Toyotas or something, as panel two hints.

Family Circus, 2/12/24

A friend of mine had a kid who used to just describe strangers to them in public, e.g., “You’re bald,” “You’re short,” etc., and when my friend told her she couldn’t do that because it was rude, she just started looking people in the eye and saying “I’m not allowed to name you.” Anyway, most of the darnedest thing saying in the Family Circus is pretty stupid, but “you have a beard but you just have a face” is the sort of genuinely off-putting thing a child Jeffy’s age might actually say and I frankly think this strip should do more like it.

Shoe, 2/12/24

It’s good to see the Perfesser has finally realized he doesn’t have any loved ones, not Skyler or anyone else, who care enough about him to plan or pay for his funeral, so if he doesn’t want to just get dumped in the river, he’s got to put something together himself. Will tacos be enough to get his various vague acquaintances, like Roz and the guy who fixes his car, to show up? Only one way to find out, though I guess he’ll never really know for sure.

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The Phantom, 2/1/24

So, big news everybody: The “Death of the Phantom” arc, which started, I swear to God, way back in 2017, is finally over, and, disappointingly, the Phantom didn’t even die! Now we’re finally on to the next storyline, and if you thought “Old Man Mozz and/or people who have heard a prophecy from Old Man Mozz keep repeating the same prophecy over and over again with slight variations” was irritating, you’ll really hate “The Phantom forces his family to listen to his rambling recounting of a dream he had last night,” which is what’s been happening for the last couple of weeks. But today we get to what hopefully is the meat of the storyline! Remember Eric Sahara, the Nomad, who was one of the Ghost Who Walks’s perennial antagonists, at least until he was captured, but before that his daughter became the Phantom’s daughter’s private school roommate and best friend and the Phantom had to rescue Mrs. The Nomad as a result? Anyway, an under-discussed aspect of the Phantom lore is that the Phantom identity is the product of a 22-generation breeding program, and we’re finally going to see how that plays out in practice (it plays out by the Phantom’s wives marrying their sons off to the daughters of prominent villains, creating a hero/villain hybrid line that can never be defeated).

Shoe, 2/1/24

Look, man, if you’re a pervert and in you’re in Wal-Mart or whatever and see a bottle of dog shampoo and all you can think about is gently massaging it into some lady’s hair and whispering to her, “You’re a good girl, such a good girl,” I support you and all, but I don’t think you should use that as material in your comic strip about bird-people. It’s just semiotically confusing. Like is she a bird or a dog or what. How can you even get turned on by this, there’s too much going on.

Six Chix, 2/1/24

Hey, you guys ever think about what would happen if the pumpkin carriage from Cinderella rotted, like a real pumpkin, and Cinderella rotted inside of it too, I guess because she’s dead? No? Just me? Just me wondering about this?

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Shoe, 1/21/24

This is a truly terrible joke and I don’t want to deal with it on any of it’s “humorous” levels but I think we should pause to think about the “college roommate” angle. The Perfesser is an extremely despress fifty(?)-something extremely bird-man who can’t maintain a romantic relationship and is doing the bare legal minimum to serve as a guardian for Skyler, the son of a presumably deceased sibling. This joke seems to require a close personal relationship to work and the only one that his creators can come up with for him is with a college roommate, someone he presumably hasn’t spent time with in decades. It’s extremely grim stuff, just like every other time we get the tiniest peek at the personal lives of any of the bird-people in this strip.

Gasoline Alley, 1/21/24

Hey guys, remember the Magic Eye books, from the ’90s? They were everywhere for a little bit and I was always bitter about it because I’m nearsighted in one eye and farsighted in the other and have terrible stereo vision as a result, so they never worked for me and I came to resent their popularity since it felt like they were mocking me personally. Anyway, that fad ended and I haven’t had to think about them for decades but now, uh, here’s today’s Gasoline Alley, I guess. Is this even going to work as a Magic Eye thing? Just a bunch of heads in a row? Anyone whose eyes work properly, please give it a shot and report back, though I won’t think less of you if you don’t, since I would not attempt to see these withered freaks in 3D even if I were physically capable of it.