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Shoe, 4/30/25

I dunno, the genuinely freaked out expression on this guy’s face, plus the fact that he’s wearing makeshift combat gear, including an outdated helmet, right here in Roz’s restaurant seems less “Ha ha, this dummy joined the ARMY and he doesn’t know what the army is even FOR” so much as “the front lines have collapsed, the enemy is pushing towards Treetops at a rapid pace, the desk-job soldiers who barely remember basic training are allowed one last meal before being rushed into a last-ditch defense with inadequate gear,” so I really wouldn’t look so smug if I were the Perfesser.

Alice, 4/30/25

Oh, sorry, I realize I haven’t been keeping you up to date on what Alice has been up to. What she’s been up to is apparently yelling at her mother’s (?) grave, which has been carved at her mother’s request to indicate that she’d rather be dead than be around listening to Alice.

Heathcliff, 4/30/25

Hmm, I endorsed it when Heathcliff began to impose his will on others by forcing them to dress in uniforms that matched his own fur patterns. But donning such a uniform himself, over his fur? That just seems weird. Not sure I approve. I guess you can’t argue with results, but still.

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Dennis the Menace, 4/26/25

Obviously my “is this menacing or not” bit is done mostly in jest, but I genuinely think this is menacing behavior. Making unbroken, angry eye contact with his mother as he lets milk overflow the glass all over the table, while nonsensically blaming her and her glass-acquisition choices for the whole situation? Really unsettling stuff, I would be quietly calling a child psychologist in this scenario.

Shoe, 4/26/25

Normally I don’t have a lot of patience for “kids and their damn phones” jokes like these, especially given that the behavior in question is so omnipresent among people of all ages that there’s an industry term for it. But I do have to say that if Skyler isn’t going to be fully engaged during his TV-watching experience, he shouldn’t be making use of the living room’s only chair.

Crankshaft, 4/26/25

You might recall that Funky Winkerbean’s beloved (?) Mopey Pete ended up in a relationship with Crankshaft’s granddaughter, which meant he successfully escaped the collapse of the Funky Winkerbean dimension and has survived in its formerly ancillary Crankshaft zone, which has survived as its own space-time continuum in the aftermath. Anyway, we’ve finally learned what can briefly make him slightly less mopey: the prospect of interrupting his in-laws while they fool around in their car.

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Shoe, 4/25/25

I am almost certainly overthinking this, but as a highly skilled and well-compensated comics blogger it’s my job to overthink it, so: why, and how, is the Perfesser’s fitbit keeping track of Shoe’s thrown fits? Wouldn’t Shoe’s fitbit logically be the device that records his increased heart rate and elevated blood pressure and so forth, and not the fitbit on the wrist of his employee, who’s way on the other side of the room? I can see the appeal of learning the novel word “fitbit” and wanting to immediately work it into a joke in the syndicated newspaper strip you write, but I would suggest doing some cursory research as to how the device with that name works first.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/25/25

I’ve decided to stop being annoyed by the fact that I can’t really peg what the tone here is supposed to be and just be amused by it. Are Summer and Auggie enjoying a friendly chat with a sympathetic old man and getting free stuff while they wait for the cops to show up, or are they terrified while this admitted murderer rambles on about how his whole bloodline has been wiped out before its time, tries to bestow gifts upon them, makes menacing references to various weapons he hasn’t used yet, and reminds them that they’ll soon find themselves in a room with some trigger-happy cops and a guy the cops don’t trust? Who can say!