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Mark Trail, 12/21/17

Ooops, it looks like our mysterious Orientalist caricature didn’t want to buy Dirty’s dirty (literally dirty, since they’d been up his butt, probably) diamonds, and is only willing to hand over a modest four-figure sum from his Enormous Safe of Cash and Gold Bars for Dirty’s trouble. Too bad Dirty seems to have an very large knife tucked into his belt, right near his butt, where he likes to store things, apparently? The upcoming vicious stabbing is going to be a valuable lesson to all of us about doing business with a guy who really, really insists that people call him “Dirty.” When someone shows you who they are — by, for instance, using a nickname that implies that they’re shady or criminal or bad in some way — you should believe them, you know?

Shoe, 12/21/17

I was going to make joke here along the lines of “Because Washington is on Earth, and your telescope is pointed towards the sky,” but then I thought — are these guys on Earth? Or are they on Planet Bird or whatever? Is this tech-wizard bird-man, despite the Perfesser’s dismissal, keenly observing the seat of American power through his telescope with envious eyes, his intellect vast and cool and unsympathetic, and slowly and surely drawing his plans against us?

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Dick Tracy, 11/28/17

Dick Tracy is starting a new storyline this week, as usual bringing back beloved grotesqueries from the strip’s long history, and, you know, can you imagine how awkward it must be to have to make small talk in Mr. Bribery’s waiting room. “Sooooooooooo … your mom was called ‘Ugly Christine,’ huh? I guess there’s no real chance that was, like, ironic or anything, huh? Ha ha, obviously not. I mean, I’m the only black character in this strip and my name is ‘Lee Ebony.’”

Shoe, 11/28/17

Parallel evolution is an amazing process! It’s how animals as distantly related as the shark and the dolphin have come to look so much alike, and why the civilization of sapient birds in Shoe functions so much like our own. They have clothes, and corrective lenses, and even corporate media mouthpieces that cover for the crimes of the capital-holding class!

Family Circus, 11/28/17

Billy is definitely going to jail, right?

Mark Trail, 11/28/17

The sheriff is definitely going to feed all these people to the bear, right?

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Gil Thorp, 11/4/17

This entire “Uncle Gary schemes to get Rick to sing the national anthem” storyline is like the old philosophical irresistible force/immovable object problem, only with half-baked Gil Thorp plot points. Here, the conflict is between Gary’s monomanical attempts to get his nephew behind the mic for the homecoming game, which effort is all for naught because it can’t possibly lead to superstardom like he seems to expect, and Gil’s stubborn refusal to entertain the idea, which is entirely pointless and which he hasn’t even bothered articulating a reason for. Today’s strip is mostly entertaining to me because of the final panel, in which Dr. Pearl attempts to use her Ed.D. Mind Tricks to get Gil to lighten up already.

Spider-Man, 11/4/17

Speaking as a freelancer, I have to say that Peter Parker seems to have an extremely flawed view of the power dynamics between a stringer photographer and that stringer photographer’s only client. Still, I find today’s strip extremely relatable, as I too often soothe myself by imagining J. Jonah Jameson in a state of apoplexy.

Shoe, 11/4/17

Roz is right to sport the Patented Shoe Goggle Eyes Of Horror. In the Shoe world of sapient avians, a common form of suicide is to purchase multiple cats, then lay back and allow them to feed on the bird-flesh they crave.