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Shoe, 2/7/18

Hey, so, uh, it’s a real tasty mashup of shapeless joke building in today’s Shoe, isn’t it? There’s two potential ways this joke could actually make sense: Uncle Lou could’ve quit the accounting firm to go work for the Food Network, and now he does the books for the cooks, or he could’ve quit the police force to become a producer for the Food Network, and now he books the cooks. Only the second one works with Shoe’s Goggle Eyes of Horror™. It’s like they started with the “accounting … books” thing and then made their way to a slightly different punchline and then, like, forgot they could go back and change the beginning before they submitted it. It’s so aggressively half-assed that I almost have to respect it.

Gil Thorp, 2/7/18

Sure, Paloma’s angry about the state of her home island, but now she’s getting some insight into mainland politics. Turns out it’s a thin veneer of democratic process that can’t cover up a broken, unresponsive system anymore!

Crankshaft, 2/7/18

America’s response to its out-of-control opioid crisis is growing increasingly punitive — like, did you know that in many states you have to keep prescription meds in the bottle with the original label at all times, making it technically illegal to use those pill organizers? What I’m saying is, Crankshaft will never face punishment for any of his actual crimes, so if his house ends up getting raided by the local SWAT team after his doctor reports his transparent drug-seeking behavior, I’m totally OK with it.

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Shoe, 2/6/18

There are plenty of people of all ages who love all the bands the Perfesser just rattled off here, thanks to the Baby Boomers’ stranglehold on the canon of pop culture — I certainly listened to all of them as a kid. If the Perfesser really identifies with them, though, I guess he’s supposed to be a Boomer, and if his date has never even heard of them, maybe she’s … a literal teen? It’s so hard to tell, because she looks just as beaten down and depressed as every other bird-person in this strip.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/6/18

Ahh, June is doing some snooping around Johnny’s grandparents’ background, and finally we’re going to get some dirt on these suspicious char– oh, a kindergarten teacher? Huh. Well, surely the grandf– ah. Model kits. RC cars and such. Hmm. Maybe the real drama is how much less interesting this can get.

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Mary Worth, 1/27/18

Mary Worth has definitely been setting up the Great Muffin Caper for a while now, with Mary offering up her signature pastry to console the whole Weston clan, both father and daughter, in their times of trouble over the past year. The ones Dawn got last fall were ID’d as carrot muffins, but I’m not sure what the later ones we’ve been seeing are supposed to be, and there may not be a canonical in-universe answer, what with the writer, artist, and colorist all being different people, but they sure look like chocolate chip cookies, right? Which leads to the next obvious question: what if you made something that you called “muffins” but they were actually chocolate chip cookies shaped like muffins? That would be delicious and a differentiating piece of intellectual property that could definitely make you rich, once you’ve successfully farmed out production to a country with low labor costs and a relaxed attitude about what sort of preservatives you can legally put into baked goods.

Shoe, 1/27/18

A cool thing about writing a syndicated comic strip is that you can be momentarily stirred by a vaguely erotic premise that doesn’t really have a punchline to it, and then, bam! 15% of your job for the week is accounted for!