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Six Chix, 6/14/15

It seems that, while the tradition of paying children as they lose their baby teeth dates back to medieval times, the concept of an actual Tooth Fairy only dates to the early 20th century. I assumed based on this cartoon that the modern sanitized version had its origin in some terrifying German fairy tale involving a forest-sprite who came to the desperately poor at night and offered to give them food or sustenance if they agreed to let her wrench their teeth out of their jaw. Most versions of the Tooth Fairy legend (including the one in this very comic last month) have her as being very small, so presumably this is a normal human woman with a pair of fairy wings she bought at Party City and a sadistic hatred of the homeless.

Judge Parker, 6/14/15

Good new! Supercilious master of structural engineering Hank Tolling turns out to be a local boy! That means that, under the terms by which the Spencerberg region was enfeoffed to its ruling family, Neddy can kill or marry him at her whim, which will make it much easier for her to resolve their disputes.

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Slylock Fox, 6/13/15

Scenes one and four are exactly alike: in each, the fish is terrifyingly aware that he’ll soon be sliding down that penguin’s gullet, and is trying to gasp out a cry for help despite his inability to breathe in this foreign environment. In scene two, the fish delusionally believes that he’ll be able to wriggle free and get back into life-giving water; in scene three, he’s already so far gone from oxygen deprivation that he’s blessedly unaware of his looming death.

Six Chix, 6/13/15

Hey, lonely ladies! Why not order “seeds for singles”? It’s so much easier than dating! All you do is plant the seeds, wait for them to grow, and then have sex with a monstrous half-man half-plant abomination

Apartment 3-G, 6/13/15

SEE IT’S OFFICIAL THE CHARACTERS IN APARTMENT 3-G DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON ANY MORE THAN WE DO

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Six Chix, 5/22/15

So, wait … is the turtle on the right a “drama queen” because it pulled its head into its shell for protection as inky black bird feces rained down from above? Or is the turtle on the left just the type to blame others for whatever misfortune befalls them? I genuinely will be puzzling over the meaning of this bizarre, grotesque cartoon all weekend, thanks a lot.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/22/15

Oh, man, Lukey’s crumpled face in panel two kind of kills me. “He’s right! I’m a flawed and fundamentally unlovable person, and soon everyone’s going to know the truth about how bad I am!”