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Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/17/14

Sarah may have easily defeated an elementary school bully, but now she’s facing a much more difficult challenge: a rich old lady who always gets what she wants, mostly because she’s rich. She’s like Sarah, except a legal adult! In a way, she supposes she does work at the museum, except in the sense that she pays for everything, so the museum works for her, and so does everyone in it, including Sarah. Sarah is right to break out in a cold sweat in the final panel! This is her most difficult adversary yet.

Six Chix, 6/17/14

Six Chix generally offers a vaguely crunchy-liberal take on modern American life, which makes today’s strip a refreshing change of pace. The chickens, of course, are a metaphor for us: while we’ve been led to believe that we should be eating local and organic food and getting in more physical activity like our ancestors did, the truth is those ancestors started driving everywhere and eating processed foods and TV dinners as soon as they could for a reason: because processed food tastes better and physical activity is a pain in the ass. Like caged chickens that remain motionless for their entire lives and are fed an endless supply of corn byproducts, most humans find the idea of not watching TV and eating non-Dorito foodstuffs irritating and pointless.

Wizard of Id, 6/17/14

Wizard of Id is a strip that routinely uses actual torture as a grim punchline, so it’s nice to see it keeping up with the times, I guess.

Apartment 3-G, 6/17/14

Never thought I’d say this, but … where’s Tommie? What’s Tommie up to? I’d sure like to see what’s going on with Tommie, rather than this small-town-gossip thought balloon madness.

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Mary Worth, 5/23/14

“God damn it, Tommy, do you not know how to take a hint? Look, all I’m saying is that if you want to sell meth out of the restaurant, that’s fine with me — more than fine — as long I get my 30 percent of the gross! I think that’s plenty fair, and … wait, you’re not wearing a wire, are you? Damn it damn it damn it damn it”

Six Chix, 5/23/14

“Also the left side of my face is melting off and I’m not wearing any shoes and this thing in front of us is a rug to me but a coffee table to you in defiance of the ordinary rules of time and space. Probably time to cut down on the peyote, is what I’m trying to say!”

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Six Chix, 5/13/14

Good morning, reader! Do you hate yourself? Like, really hate yourself, not because of anything in particular that you do or say or think or feel, not even because of some specific inborn quality or trait; no, I mean, do you hate your very nature, your essence, the core qualities that make you you and can never be changed? Ha ha, you and a bunch of other people, probably! Anyway, it’s spring, the weather’s nice, cheer up.

Funky Winkerbean, 5/13/14

Funky vs. the treadmill, day two: Funky has suffered some kind of cardiac or ischemic event and passed out on the treadmill, probably spraining his knee and/or breaking his nose as he collapsed. Ha ha, let’s just say he “fell asleep,” though!

Luann, 5/13/14

Oh, wow, will Luann spend the months between now and the advent of Luann: The College Years exploring the broken souls the title character leaves in her wake? Will this strip be going Full Winkerbean? Will all of July be dedicated to Gunther’s horrifying inner life? PLEASE LET THE ANSWERS TO ALL OF THESE QUESTIONS BE YES

Heathcliff, 5/13/14

Ha ha, Heathcliff is lurking around a flower shop in a bee costume because … of pollination, I guess? Heathcliff is planning to fuck those flowers, is what I’m saying.