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Mark Trail, 8/22/11

And so, with “Sergeant McQueen, how is he?”/”He’s very popular in the community!”, the list of Questions And Responses In Mark Trail That Would Never, Ever Be Uttered By Humans, already prodigiously long, has gained another entry, unless there’s a lot of backstory. “He’s very popular in the community! None of those allegations have been proven, because all of the accusers mysteriously failed to show up to testify in court! Everyone loves Sergeant McQueen, and that’s the end of the story! THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!”

Six Chix, 8/22/11

“Ha ha, seriously though, my friend has a serious medical condition called narcolepsy! Also, it’s best not to disturb her when she’s in this state, and she’s already agreed to pay the bill, so I’ll be leaving now.”

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Six Chix, 7/29/11

I used to think that the life of a retired male thoroughbred horse — left to spend your time at leisure on a nice farm, with occasional sexy times with lady horses — seemed pretty sweet. Then I found out that thoroughbred horse semen is far too valuable to waste on a single lady horse per ejaculation, and so the studs have to get it on with a fake horse that encloses an elaborate semen-harvesting apparatus, with said semen shipped across the country to dozens of lady horses whom the male horses never get to meet. What I’m trying to say is that these two horses should probably count their blessings, unless the brown horse is in fact a particularly well designed piece of semen-harvesting apparatus.

Mark Trail, 7/29/11

Oh man, oh man. Is Mark going to punch a swan, more in sorrow than in anger? Is he going to get his pretty face all pecked? We’re only like two days into this plot and it’s already 20 times funnier than anything that’s happened in the last five years that didn’t involve Rusty getting trapped under a car.

Herb and Jamaal, 7/29/11

Your hilarious, whimsical comic of the day, everybody! I will cheerfully cop to being afraid of death, for whatever that’s worth.

Pluggers, 7/29/11

“Plugger Yelp” is when one plugger addresses another with awkward slang terms that nobody ever uses, and receives a reply that consists of unintelligible animal noises.

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Funky Winkerbean, 7/18/11

Man, I was trying to figure out what the next angle would be in the continuing story of “Long-suffering Les becomes a literary bigshot and also totally insufferable.” Now we know: he’s going to track down everyone who’s ever slighted him and subject each and every one of them to a pompous, passive-aggressive piece of his mind. I dearly hope that this episode, in which Les berates a professor who almost certainly remembers him and his awful adolescent scribblings not at all, is not presented in flashback, but rather that we just get to see Les describe the epic confrontation over the course of the week. That way we won’t miss a single one of his smug facial expressions!

Mary Worth, 7/18/11

Ha ha, man, Mary’s gone from swinging around the dance floor with Jeff to heading out the sliding glass doors to the parking lot in what appears to be about 15 seconds. Girl can really move when someone asks her for an emotional commitment!

Six Chix, 7/18/11

Is … is this a comic about cheerful talking cows being led into an abattoir under false pretenses? Because I’m pretty sure that’s what it’s about.