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Mary Worth, 9/6/19

“Yes, ma cherie, I decided I wanted to give you a keepsake, back in the car when I realized you were going to make this a whole … how do you say? … thing. Par bonheur, I had time to duck into the airport gift shop when you were in the bathroom, weeping.”

Sam and Silo, 9/6/19

Ha ha, it’s funny because these women are literally running away from the overt and clearly unwanted sexual advances of their town’s only policemen!

Six Chix, 9/6/19

Hey, guys, the weekend’s coming up! Do you have any plans? Gonna hang out with some friends? Maybe do some late summer barbecuing? Go see a movie? Me, I’m going to be staying in, staring at today’s Six Chix, and trying to figure out what the fuck the quote marks around “like” are supposed to be doing.

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Six Chix, 9/2/19

I am not comfortable with the whimsical, knowing look the lady on the right is giving us in this panel. Combined with her weirdly phrased dialogue, it makes the whole thing fairly sinister, to be honest! “Hee hee, our picnic has been [a odd chittering undertone, almost impossible to hear, is in her voice for the following word] selected by the marching ants! Will they march us into their underground city? Will their tiny chitinous legs sweep over our naked bodies, down there in the dark, until we no longer feel them individually, until they just feel like a swift, running stream? Will eventually our minds, our very selves, be dissolved into their collective consciousness erasing us but somehow making us something greater than we could’ve ever imagined? Who knows how our picnic will be [voice suddenly drops five octaves] TRANSFORMED”

Mary Worth, 9/2/19

Oh my God, has anxious Dawn postponed the “what are we doing with this relationship” conversation with Hugo to the drive to the airport? This is simultaneously absolutely hilarious and also so relatable to me personally that it makes my stomach hurt, almost as much as Dawn’s stomach is hurting right now.

Mark Trail, 9/2/19

Wow, looks like the private equity fund that bought Woods and Wildlife after its corporate parent went bankrupt has come up with a new strategy to juice pageviews, and it’s “Find (and, if possible, kill) animals that don’t actually exist.” Now, most people are reading this strip and thinking “HOLY COW MARK TRAIL IS GONNA PUNCH THE BEARD OFF A HIMALAYAN CRYPTID” but I’m much more interested in Dr. Camel. He’s a camel with a Ph.D.!!!!

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Six Chix, 8/28/19

“It’s Funky Winkerbean. Something called ‘Lisa’s Story.'”

Dennis the Menace, 8/28/19

Dennis may be getting the hang of this “menace” thing. And Margaret’s intrigued.

Hägar the Horrible, 8/28/19

“OK, Lucky Eddie — check in with Dennis upstairs.”

Mark Trail, 8/28/19

Cherry is enjoying this far too much. She can’t wait to get back online at boards.4chan.org/woodsandwildlife and post, “Actually, Mark ….”

That’s it for me; Josh will be back rested and fresh as as a daisy tomorrow morning. Thank you all for a lovely time, and special thanks to everybody who contributed to the fundraiser — your support makes a big difference, and is much appreciated.

— Uncle Lumpy