Archive: Six Chix

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Hi and Lois, 7/12/19

Cheer up, Chip! You may not be part of the lucrative stable of intellectual property held by the Walt Disney Company, but Hearst Communications, the parent of King Features, is no slouch! In a tough media landscape, Hearst remains profitable and in fact its revenue grew in 2018. Of course, a closer look a the numbers reveals that nearly 40 percent of 2019’s profits will come from “business and medical data and software operations,” which might mean that the whole comics division is going to be spun off and sold to a private equity fund so Hearst can focus on its core competencies. That’s when you really need to start worrying, buddy! In the meantime, enjoy being subsidized by the aviation-safety data company that’s under the same corporate umbrella as you for whatever reason!

Dick Tracy, 7/12/19

Ha, nice try, Dick, but you don’t get to be a billionaire war profiteer without knowing a thing or two about how to deal with nosy cops, and one thing you know is that you definitely don’t answer casual questions about how it sure looks like you killed your wife without, like, a team of lawyers present.

Six Chix, 7/12/19

I’m not going to lie, y’all: I’m kind of in awe of the extremely bleak turn this joke takes very, very quickly.

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Dustin, 6/21/19

A big part of Dustin’s whole deal is slamming on millennials without really understanding much by way of what millennials’ lives are actually like. The strip has made jokes about Instagram and Twitter despite clearly not knowing how either of them work; so I guess it’s probably for the best that that it refuses to deal at all with the modern romance scene as facilitated by Tinder and other dating apps (which is, according to literally every standup show I go to, an actual rich mine of comedy that millennials simply can’t get enough of). Fortunately the strip has a seemingly endless supply of “guy strikes out trying to pick up chicks at a fern bar” jokes left over from the ’80s lying around. Ha ha, it’s funny because Dustin says “I was into athletics in college,” which is a definitely a phrase a human whose native language is English would use!

Pluggers, 6/21/19

Speaking of millennials and their sex lives, do you ever worry that your mother-in-law thinks you’re cheating on your spouse by fucking your phone? Well, today’s Pluggers isn’t going to set your mind at ease, unfortunately.

Six Chix, 6/21/19

Sure, having noisy upstairs neighbors is annoying. But have these ladies considered maybe getting some furniture that would absorb the sound currently echoing around their vast, entirely empty apartment?

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Six Chix, 6/19/19

Nostalgia is near universal human emotion, but as Proust and his madeleine proved, it’s also one that’s remarkably easy to evoke in a quick, efficient way. Today’s Six Chix is an In Search Of Lost Time for our era, combining a once popular brand of automobile, a once popular media property, and fucking, and boom: it’s like you’re there! I have no idea what the joke is supposed to be.

Mary Worth, 6/19/19

You’d think Dr. Jeff would’ve remembered that he’d already met Iris, Wilbur’s ex-girlfriend, who also lives in Mary and Wilbur’s condo complex, especially considering that her son Tommy, the notorious local drug dealer and addict, figured heavily into some of the most important storylines in this strip’s history. But you know, maybe he hasn’t met her! In fact, maybe all the non-Dr. Jeff storylines in this strip pass by without him noticing or caring! I honestly kind of love the idea that he’s completely unaware of Charterstone gossip. On the other hand, maybe this is precisely the reason Mary persistently refuses to marry him. LOVE ME, LOVE MY DRAMA, JEFF.

Beetle Bailey, 6/19/19

Ha ha, it’s funny because Miss Buxley was specifically created to cater to the male gaze and she can never, ever escape it!