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Crankshaft, 10/1/18

So I guess this lady is in fact one of Crankshaft’s classmates — one of, as this tiny set of plates indicates, a fast dwindling number. I have literally no handle on any of the interpersonal dynamics going on here. Why is Crankshaft so resistent to acknowledging that he and Mary are a romantic item? Why is Mary so eager for people to know that she’s linked herself, sexually and presumably emotionally, to Ed Crankshaft, one of the most hateful men alive? Why is Darla Gillespie smiling at this interaction? Surely you don’t expect me to believe that she feels anything positive about Crankshaft or his romantic situation.

Six Chix, 10/1/18

Shout out, I guess, to Six Chix not having the alien actually saying this to someone wearing lederhosen, which is what I’d expect for a joke like this but it wouldn’t make any sense, because, why would he need to be taken to it? It’s right there! Much less of a shoutout to Six Chix for not knowing what other kinds of southern German garb to use, though. Dirndls! Dirndls are what you’re looking for. Maybe you think you’ve drawn a dirndl here, but trust me, you very much have not.

Dick Tracy, 10/1/18

There’s a whole “Ugly Crystal is meeting her biological dad” plot in Dick Tracy storyline going on right now that I extremely don’t care about, but I find it very, very funny that (a) for some reason personal medical information is being delivered to the police station instead of these people’s homes and (b) Dick seems to have casually opened one of the envelopes. Don’t like it, kid? Whaddya gonna do, call the cops?

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Mary Worth, 9/28/18

One of my very favorite things that sometimes happens on this blog is when I make an outrageous prediction about the future course of some soap opera strip’s plot that then almost immediately comes true! So yes, Mr. Wynter really did spend more on his dog’s grave than on his wife’s. At least Bella’s monument is relatively tasteful, with Bella depicted as she was in life, wearing her adorable bow tie, and not as some kind of terrifying supernatural winged cat chimera like whoever’s buried in the plot just behind her. The second panel is great, because it shows what Bella would see if she were buried alive and had like a little hole in her casket attached to a periscope or something.

Six Chix, 9/28/18

Look, one of the advantages of having a multi-artist production like Six Chix is that you get a variety of perspectives and voices, so I’m as confused and disappointed by “big horny animal week” as everybody else.

Spider-Man, 9/28/18

“Say, Danny, have you ever considered using the incredible privilege and authority you wield in our society to better people’s lives, instead of putting on a mask and punching people unusually hard? Just spitballing here!”

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Gil Thorp, 9/27/18

Oh, right! The cineaste kid! Turns out he too, like Tiki Jansen, is being inexorably drawn into the gravity well of the fall “the Mudlarks special teams are wacky” plot. Honestly, the real revelation here for me is that Kaz, who’s never exactly struck me as an intellectual, is apparently forced to supplement his assistant coaching salary by also teaching “world geography,” where presumably he gets uncomfortably enthusiastic about the unit on China. Anyway, you might remember Kaz showing his deep contempt for non-mainstream cinema just a few weeks ago, but hopefully in return for his services Joe Bolek will insist that the entire coaching staff watch Sátántangó, Hungarian auteur Béla Tarr’s seven-hour black-and-white masterpiece, which will open their eyes to the magic of independent film.

Six Chix, 9/27/18

There’s nothing immoral per se with wanting to have a three-way with a furry on your wedding night, but its absolutely imperative that you have a discussion with your partner first, to make sure everyone’s on the same page.