Archive: Slylock Fox

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Mary Worth, 8/30/09

Could there be anything more delightful than the third panel of Sunday’s Mary Worth? My guess is no! Mary and Tobey are clearly bombed out of their minds after spending three hours drinking their lunch as usual; Tobey attempts a sloppy high-five in celebration of terrible couples bound more tightly together in dysfunction’s death grip, while Mary leaves her hanging and stares glassily into the middle distance. Things go downhill a bit as she ruminates on all the societal ills that her meddling has somehow failed to rectify, but I love the transition between the penultimate and final panels. Could love help overcome these important problems? As panel three demonstrates, clearly not, because if this is love, then love is repugnant beyond description.

Crock, 8/30/09

Ha ha, the heat is killing him! It’s funny because a prisoner locked in a hotbox and left out to broil in the desert sun would literally die, from the heat.

Marvin, 8/30/09

August 30, 2009, will forever be remembered as “the day Marvin showed us his ass-crack, and nobody stopped him.”

Spider-Man, 8/30/09

Now that family-friendly Disney has purchased Marvel, I’m afraid our saucy NEXT! box will have to stop hinting at hot mutant-on-cyborg-on-spider-bite-enhanced-dude action.

Slylock Fox, 8/30/09

Solution — The chain may be too strong for the saw, but Slylock’s leg isn’t. Slylock will plead for his sidekick to reconsider, but Max will just think back to years of condescension and abuse, and smile.

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Mark Trail, 9/26/09

Well, at last we know that “fishing trip” was the activation code phrase that the cruel scientists at the secret government bioweapons lab implanted into the brain of the hideous genetically engineered test subject known only as “Rusty.” Upon hearing those syllables, every gland in his Frankenstein-like body begins pumping at full speed, his pupils dilate, his breath quickens, his muscles expand, and the killing begins. The poor down-on-their luck couple in panel three will have another few minutes to sadly brush their little girl’s hair before a blood-drenched Rusty bursts through the window, screaming “CAN SASSY COME WITH US” at the top of his lungs as he attempts to bite off all of their skin.

Blondie, 8/26/09

Good lord, Blondie, are you trying to kill Dagwood? We all know he can maintain consciousness for only about six hours a day, with extended desk- and couch-based naps filling in the hours before his early bedtime and after his always-late morning awakening. Without that caffeine, his whole system might just shut down entirely. That shaking in the final panel is probably his body desperately trying to stay erect; in another few moments he’s just going to pass out right there in front of the water cooler.

Slylock Fox, 8/26/09

5) Rhinos are, like, totally baked, like, all the time. Answer — totally true, man!

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Ha ha! You all make fun of my frequent vacations from the site, but did you know that last week I went on vacation and still blogged? Truth! I wasn’t able to keep up with the comments as much as I usually do, though, so it may be that some gems passed me by. Nevertheless, I have assembled what I believe to be a pretty hilarious list.

Oh! Wait! But! First there are items, of course. First off is an intriguing note from Bob Weber, Jr., the man behind Slylock Fox! He wants to let all of you guys know that he’s selling original Slylock art; so, if there are particular strips you’re interested in, or if you just want all the strips you can handle for your Reeky Rat shrine, contact him at slylockart@yahoo.com.

And! Faithful reader =Jym= sends us this pic to remind us that there can be love in the terrifying ruins haunted by the damned souls in the Winkerverse:

Perhaps returned hero/shattered shell of a man Wally Winkerbean will be interested, now that he’s single again!

And finally, faithful reader Greg offers this not wholly safe for work look at what that terrifying painting over at Charley’s apartment really looked like.

UPDATE: Guys, I totally almost forgot to add that Dean Booth, longtime faithful reader and proprietor of the always awesome Dean’s Comic Booth, is one of the finalists in this week’s New Yorker cartoon caption contest! Go forth and vote! “My caption isn’t particularly funny, but I think that was the key to my success,” he notes.

And now, without further ado … your comment of the week!

“‘Remember, Margo? You weren’t happy.’ Oh yeah, that narrows things down a lot.” –Sue D. Nymme

And the runners up!

“I hope that isn’t a clean diaper. It’s the least the grandmothers deserve for not leaving Marvin exposed on a mountainside the day he was born.” –Comrade Denny

“Like all taken-in strays, Tommy Libonate will, within minutes, get into a fight with the family dog and urinate all over the tent. God bless him.” –teddytoad

“Also, for the office pool: If no one has taken ‘Hitman in Orange, covered in toxic waste, grows facial hair; Mark punches him,’ then I’d like to call it.” –boojum

“Discussion question: is the idea that Delilah needs her hubby to help her get a book on music theory vanity-published more or less retrograde than the idea that all marital problems can be solved with babies?” –commodorejohn

“Del should just leave musical theory alone — I mean, what the hell did it ever do to her? I think a slim volume of fashion advice is the way to go: The All One-Color-Uniform — Looks Like A Sassy Jumpsuit, Even When It Isn’t! Three pages, easy, and sure to prompt a heap o’ podcasts and twatting.” –curlyfries

“While it’s a generally acknowledged fact that most of the Island of Doctor Moreau-esque abominations that populate the Plugger universe have three paws in the grave, it nonetheless seems needlessly cruel of the comparatively spry movie ticket lady to taunt our elderly protagonist about the fact that he may well not live to see how Paul Blart: Mall Cop turns out.” –Violet

[Luann] is annoying me because of the way it has completely inverted itself over the years. It started out as a strip about a regular teen girl with a crush on a guy way out of her league, a jerk older brother, and sporadic battles with the ‘in-crowd’ cheerleader-types. Now her brother is Mr. Sensitive, getting wild non-sex from a model with a brain. TJ went from being the only funny guy to being the guy you want to shoot the most. Luann is so loaded with dates that she can’t even choose which beau to not-screw. And I’m feeling sorry for Tiffany. Maybe she’ll hook up with Dirk in a spinoff strip called The Outcasts Who Dare to Have Sex.” –Hogenmogen

“So how detailed did Margo get? Did she tell him to make multiple copies and to roll it up first? Or to remove the staples?” –un malpaso

“I love the chipmunk. I think as far as Jack Elrod is concerned the characters are interchangeable mannequins saying ‘blah blah blah blah blah’ to one another and the real strip is about giant animal closeups. Why does he do this? Are his giant animals not quite good enough for him to be a wildlife illustrator? Is there really no work for someone who can draw individually charismatic chipmunks but can only distinguish between people through hair colour and placement?” –Aviatrix

“I think the chipmunk is named ‘Mark.’ It’s a reasonably common name, and who would you rather talk to? Mark Trail, or a cute little chipmunk? The choice is clear.” –Victor Von

“I’m not sure what Mary is serving Toby, but based on the paleness of the contents of both bowl and pitcher, Mary has taken that old adage to heart: If life gives you a bowl of peeled boiled potatoes, make potato-ade.” –Perky Bird

“I was going to say that the scene in A3G seems awfully jovial for a ‘my boyfriend’s corpse is in an unrecoverable location on the other side of the world’ party, but I suppose it’s not as big a deal as it sounds: as a Buddhist, Eric will be reincarnated, and as a male character in A3G, no one will notice a difference.” –Rachel K

“A medieval city with Gothic architecture and cobblestone streets? No wonder Toby and the professor fell in love all over again — it reminded them of a time when a homely but prominent old man could steal away a child bride and no one would think twice.” -BigTed

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