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Marmaduke, 6/1/09

I suppose that Marmaduke’s owner’s wobbly, knock-kneed stance and one-sided smirk are supposed to convey “coquettish feigned innocence,” and that we are meant to understand that she has left her tired old penny loafers out in the middle of the floor, possibly after having covered them with steak sauce, so that Marmaduke will eat them and she’ll get to buy exciting new penny loafers. This is all well and good, but harnessing Marmaduke’s insatiable appetite for organic or quasi-organic matter to solve one’s problems can lead down a dangerous path. I shudder to imagine the scene, a few months hence, when Marmaduke’s owner arrives home to find the mangled corpses of her children strewn across the foyer. “Oh no!” she’ll exclaim. “Now I’ll have to figure out something fun to do with the money in their college savings accounts!”

Family Circus, 6/1/09

I actually find this cartoon kind of poignant, mostly because of what you can barely see written on the paper: “Chapt 1 I’m bored.” Is this some sort of creative writing assignment, where the students are allowed to write their own novels, their stories limited only by their imagination? Has the task brought Billy face to face with his essential emptiness, a fundamental lack of creative energy? Is he bored inside his own head? His enormous, misshapen head?

Hi and Lois, 6/1/09

I was going to make a crack here about the Flagstons’ depressing, sexless marriage, but then I remembered how awful it was when they last telegraphed to us their intentions to get freaky, so: yes, this is exactly how I expect — nay, require — Hi and Lois to spend their precious few hours of alone time.

Slylock Fox, 6/1/09

Really, Sly? Industrial espionage? That … that just seems beneath you.

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Family Circus, 5/9/09

It’s far too lovely a Saturday for me to spend time hunting through the archives to confirm this, but: is it just me or have more and more Family Circus cartoons involved the four children traveling around the house in a tight pack-like formation? I much prefer installments where their rage and stupidity are turned against each other, but now it appears that they are forming some sort of hive-mind so that their limited cognitive ability can be pooled. A group Keane Kids organism, with eight flailing arms, four runny noses, and almost-human intelligence is a terrifying prospect, and Ma Keane is right to warily hold that spoon ready as a weapon.

Mary Worth, 5/9/09

Ha, ha, deliciously awkward. “I … I have to get back to … no, really, I’m a doctor and I’m very busy … OH GOD PLEASE DON’T TRY TO EMPATHIZE WITH ME NO NO NO”

Slylock Fox, 5/9/09

I was initially going to say that my first reading of this cartoon — not “aw, a cute Mother’s Day tribute” but “HOLY CRAP LESBIAN DWARF OCTOPUS PORN IN SLYLOCK FOX” — marks me out as a bad person, but it’s worth noting that without that kind of impulse, this blog wouldn’t exist, and we wouldn’t want that, would we?

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Mary Worth, (panels), 4/19/09

OK, we already knew Mary Worth speech balloons could have thoughts. But who knew those thoughts could themselves have other thoughts? Are they self-aware? Do they wake each morning drenched in sweat at the horror that they are second-order thought balloons in Mary Worth, and moan in heartsick agony for lack of a pin? And, y’know, fingers?

Meanwhile . . . it looks like Ted has come to his own stark realization — and his thought balloons are shouting “Get the hell outta Dodge”, all the way down.

Pack, Ted, pack! Pack like you’ve never packed before!

Rex Morgan, M.D. (panels), 4/19/09

To understand the dysfunctional dynamics of the Morgans, you’ve got to look past appearances. Despite her sippy cup and daisy-themed eyewear and apparel, Sarah has accepted the role of “adult” in the family, even though Rex still wears the pants. At least for the moment.

Run, Willie, run!

Slylock Fox (panel), 4/19/09

Psst . . . Cassandra — call him “Queenie”!

Judge Parker, 4/19/09

Finally, I must post in its full glory this epochal Judge Parker featuring Randy’s first day on the bench. Judge Randy breezed straight past Judge Sparky and Judge Donny into “Courtroom #1” — but the real decisions are made out back when the pals get together in their keen treehouse “Judge Club.” It’s exclusive — like the sign says, “No Girlz Alowd!” And that suits Randy just fine.

OK, that’s it for me! Josh gets home from vacation late Sunday, and maybe probably could get around to posting again sometime Monday or hey what was that noise my my look at the time oooh shiny!

I had a fun week — thanks!

— Uncle Lumpy