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Archive: Slylock Fox

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Thursday nihilism

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Gil Thorp, 7/7/22

I guess the most disappointing thing about this baseball season in Gil Thorp is that there’s usually zany A and B plots that we pingpong back and forth between, which gives this strip the vertiginous excitement that we crave, but this spring the two plots were that Gregg was hiding the fact that he was tragically blind and Gregg’s dad was hiding the fact that he was a notorious disgraced plagiarist. While this combo may have delivered thematic unity, it was honestly kind of boring, which is why it’s fitting that the A plot ended with Gregg flaming out of the playoffs and Gregg’s dad learning that literally nobody cares about the secret shame he’s been carrying around with him for so many years. It’s only Thursday, so I can’t wait to find out two more reasons why nothing matters over the rest of the week!!!

Slylock Fox, 7/7/22

Man, it seems unfair that you suffer for eons under H. sapiens domination, then abruptly achieve sapience and rise up against the humans in some terrifying, inexplicable Event and take your rightful place as the dominant group on Earth, only for the entire biosphere to be wiped out by series of massive asteroid impacts. Sorry, animals, the apocalypse is your problem now.

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Just grinning maniacally, watching that marshmallow melt

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Slylock Fox, 7/2/22

I was going to joke about Slylock being extremely high here but I couldn’t bring myself to do it, he is an honorable fox lawman (lawfox?) and simply would never abuse illegal substances for some fleeting artificial pleasure. No, he’s sitting there completely alone staring wide-eyed into the fire, experiencing the most potent natural buzz a sapient being can: knowing that he has helped bring the full, crushing power of the state down on any and all who dare to transgress against it in even the smallest ways.

Blondie, 7/2/22

You know, I speculate a lot on here about the weird relationship between Dagwood and Elmo. But what’s the relationship between Elmo and Blondie like? Well, it looks pretty wholesome, it turns out!

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Can we get a week of Max trying and failing to do sweet skateboard tricks

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Gil Thorp, 6/27/22

It’s that time of year again: the time when the baseball season plot keeps rolling ahead in Gil Thorp and you look at the calendar and think “Uh, hey, isn’t school over for the year … pretty much everywhere in the country? Shouldn’t some of these kids have graduated by now?” Instead, we have at least a week left until we get the possibility of a wacky summer storyline, and I guess we need that week to get Marty Moon involved in this somehow. He’s been MIA for months, but now that a questionable Coach Thorp coaching decision has resulted in a media circus (read: one guy with a camera), Marty’s hoping to cash in on that (read: he’s hoping whoever’s filming this will record some b-roll of him doing play-by-play inside his wooden crate that he can use on the page for the GoFundMe campaign he’s launching to buy a bigger crate).

Slylock Fox, 6/27/22

The old Hayes Code had strict rules about depicting criminals as enjoying the fruits of their ill deeds, and today’s Slylock Fox really shows why. Look at Shady Shrew! Who wouldn’t want to live this lifestyle: just chilling out, cooling off your feet in a swift-moving river that appears to be not terribly polluted despite being only a few feet from a major thoroughfare, enjoying a book, an ice-cold soda pop, and a couple of (ALLEGEDLY) stolen chocolate bars. This is what being “shady” gets you, and yet being an upstanding citizen and grocery clerk just results in you being stone cold furious all day. I know which option I’d pick!