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Mark Trail, 1/6/20

Hey, Mark, I just want to point out that you’re on an expedition through the Nepalese foothills of the Himalayas, something that most people would consider the trip of a lifetime, and not only are all your expenses being taken care of but you’re earning your salary by being there. And all you have to do in return is write an article about it; if you actually do find a yeti, it will be the story of the century, of course, and if you don’t, well, there are all sorts of angles you can take about your weird trip with an obsessive, larger-than-life personality that will both entertain readers and allow you to work out any feelings you have about Dr. Camel. My point is, maybe you don’t have to act like such a giant pissy baby at all times? Just a thought.

Slylock Fox, 1/6/20

I really feel sorry for the kids in this strip, not just because they have arrived with big, eager smiles at Career Day to learn about some potential job possibilities only to be fed a bunch of patented Slylock useless-fun-fact bullshit, but also in a larger sense because the Animal Kingdom that they inhabit seems to have an entirely pedantry-based economy, and their post-graduation career prospects are extremely gloomy, as the entire society is probably already overdue for a collapse.

Pluggers, 1/6/20

These are this plugger’s last words because he had a massive coronary later that afternoon. “Famous” is probably a strong word, but when his wife and their friend finally connected and heard about the last phone call he took, they had a good chuckle about it, anyway.

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 11/17/19

I definitely could see a bunch of ways that a dog could break a tooth while robbing a bank (though to be frank almost all of them involve him biting someone), but I think there might be more to it here. Dirty Dog is, for those of you who don’t want to flip your screen upside down, in disguise as an anteater, a toothless species that would have no reason to go to the dentist. You’d think that “in disguise” would mean that he just has a fursuit on, but that bandage far down his “snout” indicates a genuine injury where there shouldn’t be one. Presumably he’s spent most of the day undergoing the horrific surgery necessary to transform his appearance from one species to another. It’s honestly a wonder that the toothache is his only problem.

Curtis, 11/17/19

Ha ha, oops, Curtis accidentally texted Michelle referring to her “yellow teeth,” making her angry! He had intended to refer to her “stellar teeth,” and how the food he was going to buy her would give her a chance to “show [them] off,” just a totally normal and non-creepy thing that any girl would be excited to read in a text from a boy. “Girl, I want everyone to know how well you can chew, don’t hide your light — specifically, the light glinting off your teeth — under a bushel!” That’s some extremely effective flirting that will get you far with the ladies.

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Dustin, 11/13/19

Hey, everyone, did you know that beloved Dustin character Dustin’s mom “Helen” is a talk radio DJ, or [squints] possibly a podcaster? Anyway, a thing I think would be pretty wild would be to go back to 1968 and try to explain that someday there was going to be a “battle of the generations” newspaper comic strip and the strip’s Baby Boomers would be the ones making fun of marijuana legalization advocates.

Slylock Fox, 11/13/19

Hey kids! Death comes for us all, for each and every living thing on this Earth, and will come for you, eventually; but due to variations in biology, some species have fewer happy days in to spend in this one and only precious life than others! Which of these adorable animals is most statistically likely to feel the icy hand of the Reaper on their shoulder first, guiding them through the Veil into nothingness? No matter how you answer, remember, someday we’ll all be there together! Ha ha, that turtle is an angry policeman!

Mary Worth, 11/13/19

Having finally gotten a moment to stop thinking about what this double date means for her romantic situation, Estelle realizes what this double date means for the next 24 to 48 hours of her bathroom situation. She’s not living her best life, guys!

Dick Tracy, 11/13/19

Sorry, guys, but no attempted on-purpose joke in the comics this week will be even a fraction as funny as the police diver flashing a thumbs-up to Dick to let him know that “Yep! They’re dead!”