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Archive: Slylock Fox

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How many of Slylock’s “solves” are frame-ups? THE PEOPLE HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 6/21/15

[briefly turns monitor upside down] Oh, the toad did it, did he, the short toad, because the pictures were taken close to the ground and only the toad is close to the ground … oh but wait, you know who else is close to the ground? Why, Max Mouse is, Max who magically “solved” this “crime,” who was able to find the camera so quickly, much to the swooning delight of his little mouse girlfriend. The toad stares ahead in shock, knowing that his innocence will be no defense against Slylock’s pull with the authorities; the bear glowers, seething at Slylock’s ability to use the punishing authority of the state to impress his girlfriend and fulfill his whims.

Dennis the Menace, 6/21/15

Dennis doesn’t appear to be adding any value to this chain of transactions by, say, managing the cheap labor he found, so I’m going to go ahead and deem him a labor arbitrageur and classify him as an economic menace.

Spider-Man, 6/21/15

Stan Lee is one of the co-creators of the Black Widow character, according to Wikipedia, and here he is apparently very interested in having sex with her! This is probably more revealing about the comics creative process than anyone involved really intended.

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At least they didn’t call it “man-seed”

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Slylock Fox, 6/13/15

Scenes one and four are exactly alike: in each, the fish is terrifyingly aware that he’ll soon be sliding down that penguin’s gullet, and is trying to gasp out a cry for help despite his inability to breathe in this foreign environment. In scene two, the fish delusionally believes that he’ll be able to wriggle free and get back into life-giving water; in scene three, he’s already so far gone from oxygen deprivation that he’s blessedly unaware of his looming death.

Six Chix, 6/13/15

Hey, lonely ladies! Why not order “seeds for singles”? It’s so much easier than dating! All you do is plant the seeds, wait for them to grow, and then have sex with a monstrous half-man half-plant abomination

Apartment 3-G, 6/13/15

SEE IT’S OFFICIAL THE CHARACTERS IN APARTMENT 3-G DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON ANY MORE THAN WE DO

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Seriously, look at how unsettled those dinosaurs are! This seems really mean

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Slylock Fox, 6/10/15

Slylock and Count Weirdly have a pretty adversarial relationship, which mostly consists of Slylock humiliating the Count and undermining his schemes, no matter how victimless they are. But oh, as soon as Weirdly has a time machine and Slylock decides he wants to go freak out some dinosaurs, all of the sudden they’re best pals. I’m not sure what’s sadder: that Weirdly is so lonely and hungry for Slylock’s approval that he’s willing to overlook years of abuse just to spend some quality time chrono-journeying with him, or that Slylock’s ethical code, always more focused on strict enforcement of the law than on kindness, allows him to exploit the sad Count like this.

Mark Trail, 6/10/15

As the Trail’s extralegally adopted ward, Rusty generally refers to his guardians by their first names. Thus, panel two, in which he blurts out “Dad!” at the unconscious Mark, should be emotionally affecting. Unfortunately, he’s blurting “Dad” out of that … face, with the dead black eyes, and the flesh and the tears and the lips and the gums all the same off-peach color, and NOPE NOPE NO THANK YOU NO THANK YOU AT ALL SIR

Blondie, 6/10/15

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY UNSPEAKABLE FILTH