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Panel from Slylock Fox, 7/28/13

Boy, Slylock is sure getting all Judgment of Solomon down at the trailer park today! You don’t even need to read the solution (it involves trying to assess the cream soda’s fizziness levels) to see the contempt he holds everyone in here. After all, whether the delicious soda rightfully belongs to Reeky or to Mrs. Beaver, Slylock is going to pop it open and ruin anyone’s chance of enjoying it on their terms. Presumably he’ll just roughly thrust it at whoever’s it turns out to be, saying “Drink it quick if you don’t want it to go flat.” Or maybe he’ll just gulp the whole thing down himself, as repayment for having to come down and sort this nonsense out in the first place.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/28/13

If there’s one aspect of life in Hootin’ Holler that I don’t think gets enough treatment, it’s the system of clan-based feuds that inevitably springs up in places where the nation-state’s justice system is weak, nonexistent, or distrusted. What deadly slights do those marks on the tree represent? How many generations of Smifs have been recording them against how many generations of Barlows? Is there any way to wipe the slate clean, except with Barlow blood?

Panels from Marvin, 7/28/13

For a while now the Marvin Sunday panel has consisted of Marvin’s entire family staring straight ahead in numb, wide-eyed despair, which as you can imagine has pleased me to no end. Today, however, Grandpa offers a specific complaint, which I like less, as I prefer to think of them having reached this state merely by contemplation of their own hellish existence.

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Dennis the Menace, 7/25/13

The dark heart of Margaret and Dennis’s relationship is this: despite her prissy condemnation of his antics, Margaret genuinely wants Dennis to be her friend (and, in an inchoate prepubescent way, probably something more); on the other hand, Dennis is a creature without subtlety or inner life, and his open contempt for Margaret is exactly what it looks like, without any nuance or subtext. Of course, when Dennis needs her smarts, he’s glad to invite her over and pretend, for as brief a time as possible, that they’re pals. This is emotional menacing. This is the hardcore stuff.

Momma, 7/25/13

The “parliamentary procedure” gag here may be a little obscure, but longtime Momma trufans like us know that the whole Hobbes family has a weird fascination with prime ministers and the Westminster system of parliamentary government. A weird, sexual fascination. These are the opening moments of a twisted incestuous orgy, is what I’m saying. YOU’RE WELCOME FOR THE INSIGHT, EVERYBODY.

Mark Trail, 7/25/13

Whoops, looks like Mark isn’t just a cool meat fan! No, he went into that meat cooler looking to take pictures of … something, something glowing, something magical, like the contents of the mysterious briefcase in Pulp Fiction. Take all the pictures you want, Mark! They’re not going to do you any good! This evil bad guy is going to imprison the heck out of you, with the glowing thing!

Slylock Fox, 7/25/13

There’s four balloons, and they’re all off-white! There’s one party guest, and he has to stay outside! Welcome to the saddest birthday party ever!

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 7/7/13

There are many mysteries about the process by which our own, human-dominated world became the Slylock-era planet ruled by animals of various degrees of sentience, living it up in the ruins of our civilization, with a few scattered remnants of Homo sapiens surviving here and there. One of the more minor ones is this: why is Count Weirdly, supposed human, green? Ironically, all we learn today is what isn’t the cause of his odd coloring: Weirdly’s grandiose claims of expert genetic engineering turning him into a human-plant hybrid turn out to be nonsense. But the very fact that the claims were made just raises more questions. For instance, would having some non-human DNA boost Weirdly’s status in this post-human hellscape? And, given that we know that genetic experimentation is forbidden by law, how shocking or embarrassing is the real reason, to prompt Weirdly to make these dangerous claims? Is it just body paint? Did he just start painting himself green in a moment of madness, and now he feels like he needs some higher-tech explanation, to protect his reputation? You shouldn’t be embarrassed by body paint, Count. Your antagonist is a fox wearing pants.

Crankshaft, 7/7/13

In today’s Crankshaft, one of the main characters experiences a brief, fleeting moment of happiness before being subsumed by a crushing wave of anxiety. I guess we’re meant to feel good about this, though, because in panel two Pam looks unbearably smug, presumably in a narrative bid to make the audience clamor for retribution for her hubris.