Archive: Zits

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Crock and The Phantom, 10/21/24

One of my longest-running bits on this blog is pointing out strips where the colorists have very clearly not read the comic before doing their work on it. I feel like this doesn’t happen as often as it used to, but it does still happen, like in this Crock, where that “golden” shovel is glowing and yet is still clearly made of wood and steel.

I assume that this happens in part because the strips aren’t sent to the colorists with any explicit instructions on what colors should go where. That’s an even bigger problem in cases where the color is important but you can’t necessary get it from context. Like, is this being emerging from the Avarice rover in today’s Phantom, who bears an uncanny similarity to Elon Musk, supposed to be Ian Mollusk himself? Or is it a robot that looks like Ian Mollusk, one made in the mad annoying inventor’s image, and therefore the human-like flesh coloring he’s been given is actually in error?

Bizarro, 10/21/24

A quick recap of some Josh Deep Lore: did I get a college degree in classics, and then get a subsequent master’s degree as part of an abortive attempt to become an historian of ancient Rome? Yes! Was this a mistake? It was! Do I regret having done it? Sometimes! Did they even cover Greek mythology in my coursework? Not really! Nevertheless, I feel qualified to say that this panel has the Medusa thing all wrong. This dumb hippie should be turned to stone! He’s looking right at her! She turns people to stone because she’s so hideous looking; it’s not a superpower she can just turn and off. Are you telling me that this won’t work on hippies, because they reject society’s rules about who’s beautiful and who’s ugly, or because they’re very, very high?

Zits, 10/21/24

A thing about getting old is that you do get to see mores change, sometimes for good and sometimes for ill, but it always creates a little mental dissonance. For instance, a Zits anthology published a full five years after I started doing this blog noted that the comic got pushback from the syndicate whenever it used the word “sucks” in dialogue. And now here it is using the word “horny,” in front of God and everybody! Hopefully I don’t sound like an “old fuddy duddy,” but I think everyone involved in creating a Zits strip with the word “horny” in it should go to prison.

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Phantom, 9/13/24

The AI-powered Avarice bot learns from the creatures around it and imitates their behavior! It won’t be long before it’s hoarding priceless relics, lording it over the natives, and acting like a dick to the Jungle Patrol!

Zits, 9/13/24

Jeremy achieves Singularity with a polite, considerate, relatable AI version of himself. But I call shenanigans: there’s no way the AI learned those behaviors by training on the Internet.

Rhymes with Orange, 9/13/24

Oh c’mon everybody knows commercials are for looking at your phone.

Gil Thorp, 9/13/24

My only connection to football is a vestigial fondness for the Green Bay Packers from the dairyland of my birth. But in the words of our compatriots over at This Week in Milford, what the hell is going on here? Green Team’s QB is passing left but Milford’s defenseman intercepts it on the right. Did our point of view cross the line in panel two? And where’s the runback? Anybody looking to disprove the General Relativity theory of space-time should fire a couple electrons into Gil Thorp.

Sherman’s Lagoon, 9/13/24

Fillmore sits in homage to his idol Truck Tyler, waiting for inspiration. Sadly, Hawthorne’s assaults will cause his pickin’ finger to lock up.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/13/24

All that bullyin’ don’t sit well with Truck, who knows a thing or two about sittin’.


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Crankshaft, 9/11/24

I’m delighted by Cayla’s puzzled look in panel one: “Somebody wants to talk to Les? Why?” But I’m deeply disturbed by the invasion of Crankshaft by Funky Winkerbean characters, locations, and themes, the way a parasitic snail consumes its host from within. I mean, if you’re going to end your comic strip why not, y’know, just end it?

I can certainly respect Team Crock for wanting to maintain the ol’ revenue stream, and genuinely admire the sleight of hand by which For Better or For Worse ducked mass cancellations by camouflaging its transformation into a zombie strip. But I can’t think of a reason for this Crankshaft takeover unless … unless … (in a whisper that seemed to swell menacingly like the first whisper of a rising wind) the intent all along was to terminate Crankshaft and keep Funky going.

Heathcliff, 9/11/24

Ah, but here’s some comic relief: at the slightest provocation, Heathcliff entertains murderous revenge fantasies about his owner! Although I guess that’s pretty much all cats; carry on.

Zits, 9/11/24

The Sara character always gets a pass in Zits: popular, caring, socially adept, blah blah blah, never the butt of the joke. But today’s strip gives the game away. Even people who talk this way don’t talk this way with confidantes, so Sara is using Jeremy as either a stooge or a mark. What, then, is her sinister plan? Pull a Snuffy Smith and take over Jeremy’s strip from within? Use Zits as a platform to invade some other strip like Les Moore is using Funky to insinuate his way into Crankshaft? Get adopted into wealth by Judge Parker‘s Abbey Spencer (with D’ijon as Sara’s Sassy Black Girlfriend)? Time will tell. In the meantime, Jeremy has a raisin up his nostril.

Rex Morgan, 9/11/24

Truck is intrigued: “These bicycles you speak of—one sits on them, does one not? Because, Parker, God gave me a gift. I sit. I sit very well.”


—Uncle Lumpy