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Funky Winkerbean, 2/18/18

I assume that, like just about any working artist, Mopey Pete has a website with his email address on it. Soooo, the Chiseler … knows that email is private, right? That just because an email uses the infrastructure of the internet to deliver its message doesn’t mean that sending an email is the equivalent of posting it on Twitter or whatever? Does the Chiseler think that “the Internet” is just, like, a guy you whisper things to and he passes them along or makes them public, at his whim?

Hagar the Horrible, 2/18/18

I genuinely appreciate that this strip has graphically illustrated the violence that Hagar’s men have visited upon these local magnates in their insatiable lust for plunder. The dude in the cravat lost an eye. An eye! Look how satisfied Hagar is at having half-blinded him — with an arrow or a knife or maybe his thumb — earlier this week!

Mark Trail, 2/18/18

It’s nice to see that, after decades of living in a rough-hewn forest cabin, Cherry has finally decided to do a little decorating beyond just nailing rugs to the wall at weird angles. On an unrelated note, did you know if you were paid to draw the view from — just as an example — a hotel balcony on Harbour Island in the Bahamas, the amount of money it took you to pay for that hotel, as well as to procure transportation to and from that hotel, would be considered a business expense for tax purposes? Just putting that out there!

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Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean, 2/17/18

For once, the decade-long Funkyverse chronological disjunction actually comes into play with today’s strips! In Crankshaft we see Comicszone, a local retailer that was unable to survive in the face of competition from online retailers who could offer the same products with more convenience and less overhead. In Funky Winkerbean, taking place a decade later, we see a key strategy deployed by those brick-and-mortar businesses that survived: transforming stores from mere places to purchase goods into sites for community building and in-person experiences.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/17/18

Sarah has clearly internalized the classic three-part thank-you-note structure for kids — (1) thank the gift giver, (2) make a specific reference to the gift given, (3) make a reference to future social interactions you’ll have with the gift giver — and stripped it down to its bare essence to deploy in face-to-face scenarios and make them as efficient as possible.

Beetle Bailey, 2/17/18

Do … war games generally involve firing massive live artillery rounds? Regardless, I’m not sure what the “joke” in today’s strip is supposed to be, unless it’s “General Halftrack can’t experience joy in the absence of alcohol, ha ha!”

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Your comment of the week is happening … right now!

“I dig the classic ‘don’t try this at home, kids‘ vibe in panel two. All the while knowing that comic book nerds everywhere are sticking plutonium up their butts, hoping for some super power other than rectal cancer.” –Dennis Jimenez

Your runners up are … also hilarious!

“Another fun fact is that sea turtle used to be considered something of a delicacy in the Caribbean before protection laws stopped the hunt of these majestic animals. Of course … these ones are already dead, aren’t they…? [begins honing cleaver]” –pugfuggly

“I thought Josh would point out Dennis’s prayer as the menacing point in today’s strip. Isn’t saying ‘…and that’s it’ to the big guy akin to praying something like ‘…and we better have world peace by 5:22 tomorrow or you’ve had it’? Threatening the Lord is about as menacing as you can get, IMHO.” –Charles Nelson, Really!

“It’s no coincidence that Mark refers to sea turtles as ‘ancient mariners.’ Clearly, the real reason they’ve become endangered is that one of them ate an albatross — a fact that Mark is helping hide from the public consciousness due to his longstanding symbolism debate with the CliffsNotes corporation.” –BigTed

“Our scientists said there might be enough oxygen for us to live on the moon for another year or two if we gave up smoking cigars. But then, what would we be living for?” –Peanut Gallery

“‘Mary, together we’ll make a great team!’ Ted shouted. As he moved to embrace Mary, though, doubt flashed through her mind. ‘Team?’ she wondered, ‘Is that what he intends? But that would mean acknowledging him as something like an equal! Doesn’t he realize that I alone am the greatest being on the face of the Earth? That I am a jealous biddy and do not share power or glory?’ ‘Goodbye, Ted!’ she said aloud, calmly and forcefully. She felt some small sadness at having to abandon this plan to spread her meddling, but there would be other opportunities. Mary was confident she had made the right decision.” –JJ48

“I dunno, but it appears to me that this plugger has finally realized just how much time you can save in total if you start out the day, you know, dead.” –seismic-2

“After getting bored mid-sentence writing the hundredth variation of the ‘Going out tonight? Here’s the shocking reason your drink might kill you’ clickbait that keeps local news barely solvent, the Perfesser starts googling ‘regrettable tattoos‘ in a desperate bid to persuade himself that there are people out there who’ve made worse life choices than him. This is the most accurate depiction of journalism I’ve ever seen.” –Schroduck

“It would the best if we got two more days of uncomfortable creepin’ with the payoff Friday when Mary hits him with a quick gut punch and flips him through the coffee table. ‘How do you like the taste of them muffins!’ she cries before kicking her prone foe in the face with her sensible shoes.” –Aphthakid

“A recent study shows that 3-5 alcoholic drinks per day by birds may result in tender, pre-marinated flesh that is just perfect for roasting.” –Voshkod

“Snuffy Smiff keeps trying to replace the Daily Jumble, but for hillbillies.” –Hogenmogen

“Snuffy’s idea of romance: demanding (as usual) that your wife do manual labor for you so that you can be as lazy as possible, but with a pun involved.” –Enlong

“Ah, Pepper’s. Prime competitor for Lemonwasp’s and OMG Tuesday’s!” –Pak-Man

“I thought ‘Ghost‘ was some sort of cut-rate Phantom of the Opera, what with the mask and the tuxedo and such. So I was reading his last line in the sense of ‘I’ve built a set of secret passages around a giant lake/luxury home/torture chamber in the basement, and I’m going to keep running this restaurant from the shadows. Do you think you could sing lead soprano in Hannibal?’” –Rita Lake

“I must confess that I saw the restaurant’s name as ‘Preppers,’ which normally would indicate that I’m spending too much time in the dark corners of the Web. However, it would make perfect sense in light of the Ghost’s refusal to sell. Everyone knows a Prepper would never trade his bolthole for government scrip!” –But What Do I Know?

“I’m more worried about the extreme nonspecificity of ‘a catering event.’ Either it’s something so criminal that Blondie can’t talk about it, like the hitman in the cake in Some Like It Hot, or it’s a euphemism for something too terrible to talk about, like the International Nuclear Event scale. Either way, a lot of people died for those mini-cakes.” –matt w

“Um, it’s simple, MJ. Webs can cover Hulks … but, um, Lizards eat Spiders … while Hulks smash … ah, forget it … isn’t Judge Judy on yet. Hey, Bruce, you wanna watch someone you’ll like when she’s angry?” –Where’s Rocky

“Bruce and I barely understand what radiation did to our blood. Same goes for the Lizard. That’s why we’ve spent the last day and a half swapping it around our bodies like a game of transfusion musical chairs with no forethought or follow-up. It’s called science.’ –Dan

“‘Look, you’re a beautiful young lady, but you don’t know anything about radio — or the world. Let me give you lessons in both,’ said Marty Moon, just before they castrated him.” –Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer

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